Thursday, February 12, 2009

"Chubby" isn't a good look for me

I've become obsessed lately with something that I swore I would never obsess weight!! Ahhh....the torture of it all. I've become the girl that has ALWAYS gotten on my nerves. You know the girl that is skinny, yet, she is the one that is doing the "detox" or going to Walgreens in the middle of the night to buy Hoodia, Slimfast, Hydroxicut, CLA pills, colon cleansers (no, I haven't reached that level of desperation...yet).

As some of you know, I went to college a cute petite and athletic 110 lb girl and came home for Thanksgiving sporting much more than the "freshman 15". Those late night stops at Steak and Shake and cheap beer went pretty much straight to my arse (and cheeks, arms, legs, stomach etc). I even got what I like to call the 'double butt' - you know that little roll of fat right below your butt that makes it kind of look like you have 4 butt cheeks??

So, I tried the No Carb such luck. Living off of hot dog weenies and string cheese lasted about a week and I think I actually gained a pound or two on it. So then I decided to start eating salads-which didn't work with my extreme love and devotion for ranch dressing and the unfortunate fact that ranch has more fat grams than an entire tub of lard. I think my mother was more devastated about my weight gain then I was. "You just need to come home" she would say "Dallas is just NOT healthy for you". Even though I tried I just couldn't get all the weight off. I lost a little (not much) and settled into a weight I wasn't happy with. Getting sick and getting use to it, I stayed that way. Looking back now, I realize how much it truly affected self esteem, my self image, my health and most of all-- my hotness. This may sound vain, but I didn't understand why I didn't turn men's head in a room like I use to...and in a shallow way, it kind of hurt.

So last year I FINALLY found a diet that worked for me. A secret diet remedy that took off all that extra weight and kept it off. The diet is called "divorce" or you can get the generic version which is known as "depression". WOW. In a matter of a couple of months I lost 20 pounds. It was an overnight sensation. Divorce was bad...really bad, but you should always look for the good that comes out of bad. For me it was, self-awareness, forgiveness and a "Bad-A" new bod.

Well, so why am I worried about weight now? Well, I'm happy now! I truly am. I am so happy and content and excited about my life and my future. And with that happiness.....I have gained (gulp) 7 lbs back. 7 lbs??? Seriously, is it that big of a deal? The answer is no...and yet, I find myself obsessing about that weight. Getting on the scale everyday to see if its gone up and wishing that I could go on the T.V. show Survivor so I would be forced to loose weight.

I need to take a chill-pill (I wonder if they have dietary chill-pills???) and relax but the thing is....chubby just ain't a good look for me!

Side Note: I can guarantee that I will be getting a phone call from my mother, freaking out, asking me if I am taking diet pills or being "unhealthy". :) Gotta love those moms!


Little Leach said...

You DO need to take a chill pill because you look FANTASTIC!!! (I have definitely told you that recently, too!)

wetherell said...

you are crazy Jenn!!!!! you need to stop!

Anonymous said...

Jennifer Leanne Porter, you know that fad diets do NOT work. You may lose weight, but you will just gain all that back and more. Eat breakfast (good for you cereal), drink water, stay off the soft drinks, and get some exercise. You are beautiful, and you need to quit obsessing. I'm still your mother, so you better listen.