Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Self-help.......Seriously??

Yesterday at Barnes and Noble, I walk up to a Customer Service Representative and ask him if he could tell me where the self-help section is located. His response, "If I told you, wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose of self-help?". Bada-bing. (That was suppose to be a joke...in case it wasn't funny to you).
For the past year I have had a love/hate relationship with the Self-help Section. One of the main reasons I love this section is within a minute of skimming over the titles of these books, it makes me feel a hell of a lot better about my own problems. I can think to myself, "Hey, well AT LEAST I'm not having to read the book 'How to Love your Drug Addict Husband who Turned Out to be your Cousin and a Knitting Satanist'." It puts your life and your problems into a different perspective. Kind of like, when you have a really crappy day at work and you find out your unmarried friend is pregnant....AT LEAST I'm not her! (Silent high-five to myself).
There is so much hype over 'self-help' books. I am constantly being asked, "honey child, what book(s) did you read to help you with your divorce?". Honestly....none. And I'm a little tired of this being classified as a fault in my divorce recovery.
Listen people, just because I don't deal with my divorce the way you did or your sister, aunt, brotha from another motha, dog or coworker did, does NOT mean that I am not taking my own steps to recovery and self-examination. And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to get my advice from 10 different experts who all say something completely different. I mean if they all had the same opinion, then there wouldn't be 30 books on the same topic AND if all their opinions are so different then are they REALLY experts??
I know haven't fully recovered and I know that I push back lots of emotions that need to be dealt with and addressed. But I just don't think reading the book, 'So your Divorced, Now What?' or '100 Things to do After you Divorce' is really what I need.
I need Jesus....first and foremost. And then I need you. I need friends; people in my life that actually care about me and my well being. If you are reading this blog then that hopefully is describing you, unless you are someone that reads my blog out of pure hatred for me while you are stabbing a Jennifer Voodoo doll with needles. I'm digressing; I need your prayer and compassion. I need people on my team, cheering for me on the sidelines. Saying "You can do it", not "You can do it if.....".
I am proud of where I am in my life right now. Will I have baggage that I will continue to carry for a while?? Absolutely, but baggage doesn't always have to be a bad thing. It's there for a reason...to make you remember how it got there and how to keep from adding to it.
I was wrong and judged my ex-husband on his decision to get re-married so fast. I thought that I was a better person than he was; that I was taking healing more seriously because "I was doing it right"- not him. How arrogant of me is that people??! I mean seriously, who am I to judge his private decisions, where he is in his healing and if he is truly ready to get remarried?? It's not my decision, it's not my choice and its' definitely not my opinion to be had. That is between him and God. We broke each others heart in very different ways. I think it has been harder on me in the long run...why? Maybe he has been able to forgive himself faster than I was able to. Maybe he has prayed harder and longer for healing than I have. I don't know the details but what I do know is that life is just hard. People have struggles that come in all shapes and sizes. They fall down and sometimes fall much harder than they ever thought they would. That happend to me. But we all have to get up eventually. And everyones way of doing this is different. Some people lie on the ground, crying until they have someone come pick them up and carry them. Some people jump right up, dust themselves off and learn how to not fall that way again. Life would be boring if we were all the same. If everyone was like me, this life would be one big extremely disorganized and chaotic party with mayo sandwiches and Britney Spears posters on every corner. That now would get old FAST!
So, all this to tell you I'm probably not going to read Self-help books. I'm going to take the advice from the bible, the people who love me and trust that the Lord has big plans for me and my life. I do plan to keep blogging and complaining to you guys....Lucky you!

I LOVE YOU ALL.

4 comments:

Austin "Young KH" Kinghorn said...

Jennifer, I love you to death. That being said, sometimes I still poke needles in my Jennifer doll when I'm bored.

Kimberly said...

Jenny Boo, I love you and think you are awesome. I am here and praying.

Jamie said...

Jen Jen! I love you and love reading your blog...you are wonderful and beautiful! Love you always and praying for you sweet girl!

Lambards said...

I will keep you in my prayers.. you are a blessing to so many. You will be fine, keep your head up little darling!