I have been dreading this week for several months now. The unconscious time-clock in the back of my mind slowly ticking towards D-day. Scared for what or how I might feel.....How I could react. Would this week pull me in the wrong direction? Take me leaps and bounds back from how far I've come? I have been afraid of what this would make me become. Would I be bitter or re-enter the maddening world-wind of depression?
For those of you unaware of what this week holds--Blair is getting married. No, no...not to me to a NEW wife. Writing those words really makes it a reality; a reality that I am ready for. This has been a tough road, lots of up and downs with more to come, I'm sure. But, I am ready for this final icing on the cake.
Will I cry this weekend? Maybe. Will my heart break a little? I'm sure of it. Will I be okay? Without a doubt.
This is a chapter in my life that will reach its last few pages Saturday night. I will close the book, and store it away in the back of my heart and start a new one. I am thankful for the time I had with Blair. I do not regret our marriage, I never will. I loved him and I believed that he loved me and that's something you don't regret.
The hardest lessons you learn in life are the most valuable. I am thankful for the hard lessons I have endured this year. I am thankful for the hardships in our marriage and I am thankful that God forgave my weak and pathetic attempt at being good mate. Oh, how I choose to be thankful for the endless tears I have cried that has slowly but surely washed away my pain little by little, and cleansed me of the guilt I carried. I choose to be thankful that Blair will be someone elses husband in a few short days...that he is deserving of a second chance of a happy marriage and that I am deserving of it too. I am thankful for new opportunities and for lost opportunities becoming unavailable. I am thankful for blessing of Mark and a hope for the future with him.
Life keeps going. I'm not only moving on....I'm moving forward. "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keeping moving" - Albert Einstein.