Normally when you ask someone the million dollar question, "If your house was on fire what three things would you get?", 99% of the time pictures are included in the list. Pictures are priceless. They hold all the memories and moments in life you found important enough to grab the camera and snap a shot. They help you remember how you felt at your high school graduation; the rush of adrenaline experienced during skydiving; the summer vacation to Disney World with your family. Pictures also make it hard to forget the memories you and your heart wish you could.
Oh, the tangled web we weave! Isn't it funny the hardships we bring on ourselves? Yes, I am once again guilty of this travesty. I, sucker for heartache and queen of snooping, found a way to see B's wedding pictures. (Oh come on, don't act like you haven't facebook stalked someone). Let me just say....OUCH! Now, that hurt.
I made it through the weekend quite nicely with the help from my amazing and supportive boyfriend, and a great set of friends and family who have loved me despite my evident flaws. Yes, I cried....but I had shoulder's to cry on. Yes, my heart hurt.....but it so quickly is mending with a new love which makes it impossible for my heart to break for long (yes, I'm talking about you, Mark....and Hucky of course).
Why, oh why come Monday morning did I throw a wrench into my healing? Like a true idiot, I looked at his wedding pics...him cutting the cake, dancing his first dance, saying his vows...and in that moment I couldn't help but flash back to the pictures under my bed of OUR wedding. Pictures with the same man doing those same things....except with me. It's a very weird feeling...it's almost like a different realm, too parallel to be the same person. I looked at his smile in his pictures and it looked so different from the smile he had in our pictures...I wondered which one was real or what made it different now.
Pictures can hurt. Mark had to go through and divide up a box of pictures and photo albums with his ex-wife. I hurt for him as he went through 14 years of memories trying to figure up how to divide the life he never wanted to split. I went through the pictures with him, trying to figure out the best way to be fair and for everyone to get what they wanted. But, there was no easy or fair way to do this. He had to loose memories...he had to give them away. As he hurt, I told him we could make new memories, new pictures and new photo albums, but I knew they would never replace the ones that he no longer has.
I love pictures and with each passing week, I create new memories with those I love. The same frames from years back now hold new pictures, new memories while the old picture which once held claim to the frame, now lie buried in a box beneath my bed.