Wednesday, July 22, 2009

What a Beautiful Mess...

"What a beautiful mess this is. It's like picking up trash in dresses"

The past year has been quite a journey for me. A year ago today I met Mark during the most vulnerable and destructive time in my life. Believing I was "damaged goods", often in the beginning of getting to know him, did not feel worthy to be with someone as strong as him. My past was shameful and my stripes were visible. Here stood a man who seemingly had it all together. A warrior during his divorce; a martyr for his family and a rock-solid example of recovery done the 'right' way.

His courteous behavior, good looks and extensive vocabulary made me say "yes" to a second date, but it was what I discovered underneath his outward bravery that made me drawn to his side. He was like me; both of our hearts were disfigured. We were broken from our divorce but it was no concern because we were wounded together.

After our first few dates, I was listening to a song that perfectly described what I was feeling: "Near to you I am healing but its taking so long. Though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on. Yet, I'm better near to you".

I didn't know much and couldn't truly understand and dissect what I was feeling, but I knew I was better when I was with Mark. Although I would cry over missing B, I wanted to cry with Mark. Our first year together has truly been a "beautiful mess". We have been able to fall in love with each other in the most open and honest of ways. Although, I was quite reluctant at first, slowly but surely I could no longer deny who he had become to me. He has truly been my backbone during this time and I often stop to thank God over and over again for having brought him into my life. He is my biggest fan and my greatest supporter. We have mourned with each other over the destruction of our families yet celebrated each new step we take in the right direction.

Thank you Mark, for your strength and your vulnerability. Thank you for loving me despite my flaws. You know and understand my heart. You are kind when I do not deserve it. You have a servant's heart and you constantly show me Jesus' love through it. You love your kids with a passion I can't describe and love me that way, too. (And you are TRYING to love Hucky as well). I am excited to share life with you. Look at how far we have come....the wait was so worth it!

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