Friday, September 18, 2009

The Wrap-Up

The week has been slow, rainy, dreary and relatively boring. I apologize to my readers that my life isn’t as depressing as it use to be, causing my blog posting to be mediocre and less than amusing to those who thrived on the pleasure they derived from my pain. Happiness isn’t as interesting as a depression. This is a reality I have found evident recently. It’s amazing how many “friends” have disappeared after Blair’s wedding. Honestly, were you just my friend out of curiosity? For gossip’s sake? Did you like me better when I was bitter with baggage? Now that I'm happy and content, is it not as juicy?

Anyways, I’m over it—just had to get it out there. I did, however find out some interesting facts about myself at a job-required training that I participated in on Tuesday….

As a recovering self-centered, egomaniacal, narcissist I found it easier to remove my kidney with a butter knife than point out my personal flaws in a situation…especially a relationship situation; particularly male/female relationship situations. I have been recovering nicely from this minor personality kink, and just a week ago believed that I was fully-recovered and my flaw was diminished. Mental note, usually when you think are healed/better/smarter/cuter/ than or from something/someone/situation, science will come, bite you in the butt and prove your happy theory wrong.

Apparently this week I found out I am one giant ego that expects and demands my personal rules be followed by all, thanks to the nice little training and test we recently implemented into our company. We have a pre-employment test that reads your thinking process; what scientist believes is the root to all personality characteristics. Well, according to the “fabulous and highly reliable” test, I have found out that I am plain and simple…a bossy bitch.

At the training class as the doctor that has created this test is reviewing MY RESULTS in front of the entire class, I sink down in my chair completely embarrassed. Finally I speak up and I’m all like ARE YOU SURE THIS IS RIGHT and he’s all like OH, QUITE SURE and I’m like WAIT, ARE YOU REALLY SURE BECAUSE I DON’T THINK YOU ARE SURE and he’s like I’M A DOCTOR and I’m like YOU’RE A DOCTOR OF NOTHING, YOU BIG NOSED DORK and he’s like AS THE TEST PROVES, YOU ARE A MANIAC HOE BAG and I’m all like I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS YOU FAKE DOCTOR and then we restled, my shirt was ripped off and Girls Gone Wild camera men were called. They filmed the whole thing and the fight will be featured on the "Office Girls Gone Wild" DVD that will arrive in an adult store near you, this fall. Okay, so maybe that didn’t happen...

Anyways, so the test really showed me a lot and opened my eyes to some serious relationship "No-No"s that I have been guilty of doing. What’s funny is I truly had no idea that I had been doing this UNTIL, I got the test and realized that’s exactly what I had been doing. Basically I have been expecting my partner to follow a regimen of rules and expectations that could truly never be met. Fortunately, now that I am aware of what I have the tendency to do, hopefully I will not do it, or continue to do it in the relationship I am in. I’ve loved three guys in my life—my high school sweetheart, my ex-husband and my Mark. I’m thinking the third times a charm, especially with my new found knowledge. Another, mental note—don’t make your boyfriend take the test and then lecture him about all the things HE is doing wrong in the relationship and what YOU think that HE should do about it. Yeah, that wasn’t very smart on my part….

I can’t think of anything else to tell you except, I accidentally called someone at work fat; I think I’m secretly being tape-recorded; my dog has now resorted to not only peeing on Mark but now pooping on him; I got to see my awesome girlfriends last night and had a blast chatting over pizza and wine; Mitch has his first football game of the season tomorrow;when I grow up I want to be a cake-baker; and I backed my car into a tree.

That was my week. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

1 comment:

Ally said...

Even when you're "boring," you make me laugh. :)
Have a great weekend.