Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Bachelor Season 19 (or 20) first episode wrap-up

I'm betting a mediocre back massage and some sunflower seeds that most of my blog readers also watch The Bachelor. How did I come to this conclusion one may ask? Well, that show is garbage and my blog is...ahhh a little trashy(scratch that) I mean interesting. So I figured if you can't get enough of my twisted reality you may also enjoy laughing and pointing your judgemental finger at others who are stupid enough to put their lives on display for all to see (or read) for that matter.

Last year I lost a lot of interest after lazy-eyed Jason made me throw up in my mouth every episode with his boning personality and lack of hotness. Not to be rude but how in the H-E-L-L double hockey sticks (wait I think I was suppose to take out the two Ls...oh well) did that loser become The Bachelor? I've met a better looking guy with more potential working behind the counter of the Waffle House in Mesquite.

So for your benefit my little ones, I have decided to follow this season in hopes that I can provide you with commentary and my view into what Jake and the 25 bachlorettes are really thinking.

My brief opinion on Jake, the bachelor: Kind of hunky but not as hunky as my hottie of a fiance. Good boy, kind of dorky with strong morals who is probably going to humiliate his poor southern mother and make out with at least 18 chicks in the hot tub which half of those will lead into dry humping like high schoolers in front of a camera crew (where do they find these people??).

These ladies may be the best looking group of girls I've seen in any season but they are also the silliest group of hussies yet! ONCE AGAIN, ABC managed to find 25 seemingly normal girls to live in a house, fight over one man and leave their jobs and families all for free drinks and a chance to be on T.V. Awesome, this is going to be a great season.

My favorite moment was when the girl Michelle started crying in the first night because she wants to be "his co-pilot". Jake, let me tell you.....it's just the beginning.

My three favorite girls:
Ella, the Tennessee southern belle hair dresser who's has a son and an accent that puts my Texas accent to shame.
Elizabeth, the nanny who threw a football with Jake and is ubber cute. If I was a guy, I would totally hit that.
Tenley, the adorable girl in the blue dress who I bet is going to be in the top 2. She not only got Jake's first impression rose but she got mine too. My heart broke loudly into a million ba gillion little pieces when she talked about only being with one man--her ex-husband. Stupid bastard....I wonder what he did to break that poor girls heart. I'm going to make t-shirts that say TEAM TENLEY.

One of the laugh out loud moments was when Valishia in the red dress got out of the limo and Jake said- "WOW I LOVE YOUR DRESS" aka "Wow, you have HUGE BOOBIES". I mean, even I did a double take.

I just a thought(yes, there are times when I do think), for those of you who have NO CLUE what The Bachelor is let me clear one thing up: I am NOT, I repeat not talking about MY brother, JAKE, who happens to be a bachelor. This is a T.V. show and unfortunately for my brother, 25 hot bimbos did not just pull up in a limo in front of his trailer. He is a pastor though and you know what they say about Righteous LIving.....if Joel Olsteen was God like he thought he was my jake would have 50 blonde's in a limo with cheesecake and Scrabble! What a life...

Anyways, I would love any of your feedback when it comes to THE BACHELOR. It looks like it's going to be one heck of a season (I used heck because every once in a while I start to feel guilty about my potty mouth).

1 comment:

Katie said...

Ummm, my FAV was the Cambodian chick who actually said, in Cambodian "You can land your plane on my landing strip anytime" ... I'm sorry, what? Did you really just say that on national TV to a man you've known for 3 minutes in front of your mother and God and EVERYONE? Congratulations you've officially earned yourself the title of "house whore" and you've only been there for 15 minutes ... And WTH is all this drama about that leaves him blubbering with tears, the other girls freaking out (as well as blubbering with tears) and Chris Harrison making the dramatic statement "we have something that's never happened in the house in Bachelor history" ... ? Whatever it is it's enough to keep me watching for the next month ... or 3 ... however long the show lasts. Loved your wrap up!