Thursday, March 11, 2010

My Royal Long Toe

What do Lady Liberty and I have in common? No, it’s not the masculine features(although I smell like a man), the self-entitlement of needing to wear a crown, carrying around a book under your arm but never actually reading it or people standing in long lines a bearing the swarm of Chinese tourist just to get into our head. It’s actually…. our feet! Yes, that’s right. The Statue of Liberty and I both have long second toes, otherwise knows at Morton’s Toe syndrome.



I’ve always found it kind of quirky and interesting. As Jerry Seinfield put it:
“Yeah! like the big toe is like the captain of the toes, but sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there’s like a power struggle and the second toe assumes control of the foot.”

Besides the power struggle between my toes, the slight discomfort in closed-toed shoes or the ridicule of an adolescent saying, “Ha, Ha you’re toe is long!” I’ve never really had a problem with mine and 15% of the population’s mutation of toes. My reply has usually been along the lines of:

Okay, you say my toe is long like it’s a bad thing. Why don’t you go take your Fred Flinstone looking stubby big toe off my lawn and go invent the wheel or something??

For some reason I had a peak of curiosity about my long toe and decided to use good ole’ trusty Google to find out what’s up. One of the first search results were from Wikapedia and I immediately click on it because we ALL know that it’s the MOST reliable source of information out on the web---yah, right.

So here are some of the things I found out:

A longer second toe has often been associated with royalty. Particularly during the rule of the Ptolemaic dynasty when Egypt was under Greek rulership. It was an idealized form in Greek sculpture, and this persisted as an aesthetic standard through Roman and Renaissance periods and later (the Statue of Liberty has toes of this proportion). There are also associations found within Celtic groups

It is also believed by some to be associated with headaches and TMJ dysfunction, although this is not universally accepted

· It's said that if your second toe is longer, you have werewolf potential.

· If your second toe is bigger it means that you are the dominant one in the relationship

The Statue of Liberty was deliberately chiseled with Morton's toes

My favorite thing I found was on the website, (Yes this is a REAL website). Below is how a gentleman “pre-screens” his job applicants. From a HR perspective this is wrong on Sooooo many levels:

“I have a longer second toe on both feet I call them my longevity toes I never get sick if I do its day and I don't miss work. My wife shorter second toes always sick oldest child longer second toe never sick second child shorter toe always sick third child shorter second toe always sick and finally the fourth longer second toe never sick . I have ten employees my manager has longer second toes I found this out after she worked for me for a year and a half and never was sick our missed work two other employees were always sick and guess what yes shorter second toes they are no longer working for me. I will not hire another person with shorter second toes. My observation has been that if you have a longer second toe you tend to have the ability to resisted colds and other viruses then someone with a shorter second toe. Take it for what its worth maybe the second toe being longer is a genetic gauge of health.”

So do any of YOU have a second toe that's longer than your first toe? If not, does this freak you out and make you want to wash your body in increments of 10, cover yourself in babypowder and pray to the toe god's that you were not cursed with such a deformity? Or are you mad that I even blogged about toes at all and think this blog should go back to the time when I was depressed and suffering because it's MUCH more interesting to hear about THAT than nasty phalanges?


Katie said...

I HAVE A LONGER 2ND TOE! it's settled. we're meant to be friends (mutant ones at that). hail to the queen (toe that is).

KelsNotChels said...

me too! I've got a longer second toe! XD

Angela said...

I say be thankful if you had to have an overly long body part that it's one that can be covered by shoes. It could be worse. I've been told that I look like a giraffe because my neck is so long, and my nose has been compared to a ski slope because of it's length.

Just for the record though in case I ever need to get hired...I have a shorter second toe and have been very physically healthy throughout my life. I never missed a day of work when I did work even through pregnancy! So much for the long toe theory.

Faithful Mali said...

I have longer 2nd toes. I've heard the thing about royalty before-- my mom used to tell me it when I was little and kids at the pool made fun of my toes. It doesn't bother me know-- I let it rock right out in open toe heels.