Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A Word From Our Guest Blogger, Buckethead

By: Mark Gardner a.ka. Hubs of Jpo a.k.a Buckethead

Reality Show Reality…REALLY!!

This blog is difficult for me to write. Difficult for many reasons. To begin with, I am acutely aware that Jen’s entire family reads her blog with regularity and aside from the fact that I crushed my new mother-in-law’s big toe with a fastball baseball throw that missed my son’s glove (whilst visiting the Spring Break), I think otherwise I’ve made a decent impression. Second, I pride myself in being a ‘manly man.’ All that means is that I live by a code: “What Would John Wayne Do?” This means I avoid the ‘metro-sexual’ trend, manicure/pedicures, wearing anything pink, or eating at La Madeline. Finally, I like to think of myself as intelligent enough to avoid mindless television shows, especially any show considered “reality TV.”

I can say, with pride mind you, that I have NEVER watched an episode of “Survivor,” “Dancing with the Stars,” “America’s Next Top Model,” “Jon and Kate plus Eight,” “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” or anything remotely similar. In fact, until Jen and I married, I had never even watched a single episode of “American Idol.” Generally, I have no interest in any of it – because to me, it’s all scripted, overly drama-laden, ridiculous, and contains idiotic people who ordinarily wouldn’t (and frankly shouldn’t) get a second moment’s consideration were it not for their ’15 minutes’ of supposedly “REALITY” TV fame. I’ve never seen even a passing glance of Reality TV where someone wasn’t crying, yelling, screaming, making out or hitting someone. Listen, I get enough of that in everyday life!!

So, I am very embarrassed to admit that even though I give Jen SERIOUS grief for rotting her brain with “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” The Real Housewives of Orange County,” and “The Real Housewives of Sioux Falls, South Dakota,” I have to admit this: as I leave the room with an “I’m-superior-and-too-smart-for-such-mindless-dribble-TV” air about me – I often find myself lingering at the refrigerator, or the doorway, or somewhere in the room where I can catch a little longer glimpse of the show she is watching. It’s true. I hate to admit it. It makes me so mad at myself that I have to admit I knew what was going on this season on “The Bachelor” (Jake made the wrong choice in selecting that hussy he chose). I still can’t sit in the room during an episode of “Bridezilla’s” without wanting to punch a kitten, but yet I somehow feel that the clothes on the couch urgently need folding when she’s watching “Millionaire Matchmaker.” It’s crazy. It’s like watching a train-wreck. No, worse – like watching a train-wreck into a car-wreck which contained Paris Hilton. I just have to watch.

Jen and I have used our TiVO like it’s going out of style – we have 4-5 shows we watch with regularity (“The Office,” “Modern Family,” “24,” “The Marriage Ref”) – something that also pains me to admit (I used to take pride in stating, “I don’t watch that much TV” whenever someone asked me if I saw “Survivor” last night), but I realize that I don’t really have room to give Jen grief when, on any given Fall Saturday, I can watch college football for 4 hours, including cheering for schools I never attended or have even been on their campuses, yet I tease her for watching Wedding Sunday’s on BRAVO for 3 hours straight. I guess it’s not fair – she can easily make the argument that hours of football are equally mindless (but it’s NOT!! There is so much strategy, drama, heartbreak and elation – and funny BEER commercials! Actually, it sounds like I’m discussing reality TV too?!?!)

You know what? I think blogging is a lot like reality TV. So much of Jen’s blog is the aforementioned train-wreck – and yet we are drawn to read it. I guess blogging, and reality TV, are here to stay. I guess I’ll timidly dip my foot in the pool and participate in the group swim. But don’t ask me to watch anything with Paris Hilton in it – unless it’s a train wreck – then I’m in!

(Afterward: Last night, Jen MADE me watch “Dancing with the Stars.” Sorry, I can’t get into it. I was increasingly uncomfortable with all the men’s shirts unbuttoned to the navel (love that word!) plus I kept thinking about the Mavs basketball game/score on the other channel. Ultimately, I feel asleep and woke up to Pamela Anderson thinking she was dancing when in reality it looked like a commercial for hair products and a new putty product you spackle on your face. Nope – can’t watch it. Unless Kate Gosselin had fallen and busted her nose – now THAT would have been awesome and led to a new show, “Deviated Septum and Kate Plus Eight.” Love me a good train-wreck!)

2 comments:

Grimes Life said...

HILARIOUS! :)

Katie said...

i think your wife and i are reality tv soulmates (or jen, i think you and i are reality tv soulmates, i never know who to address on guest blog post comments, the blog owner or the guest poster?) ...