Wednesday, July 7, 2010

How I Kissed my Girdle Good-bye

This blog may offend some of you (go figure???) -mainly those of you who are overweight and pretend to "embrace" your fuller figure. The type of women who find the cellulite on the back of their thunder thighs to be appealing and the rolls of fat on their stomach a convenient place to set their coffee cup. The type of women who have Christina Aguilera's song "I am Beautiful" set as their ring tone. Now don't get me wrong, if you truly fit into this rare category of women who don't mind their sexiest undergarment being nude Spanx Power Panties then good for you! I know that all of our bodies are made differently and that women come in all shapes and sizes. There are some women who will never be a size 8 but could kick my ass in a relay race. But before you roll your eyes at this "skinny bitch" and get prepared to write an anonymous comment about how I would never understand what it was like to have stretch marks and to crave gallons of ice cream....stop right there.

Once upon a time I was....ahhhh, you see....I was, I was kind of...sort of....plump, stout, overweight, large, chubby, portly, flabby, paunchy, pot bellied, beer-bellied, meaty, ample, heavy set, obese, corpulent, fleshy, gross, plus-size, big-boned, tubby, roly-poly, beefy, porky, blubbery, chunky, pudgy......get it?

And worse than that, I was the chubby chick who was in major denial. For months I sported a muffin top (the fat that sticks over your too tiny jeans giving the look of a muffin top with your stomach) refusing to throw out my pants thus admitting that once again, I had jumped up a size.

Presently you know me as a happily married 120 pound blond that comfortably eases into her size 27 jeans. However, this was not always the case. Some of you remember the old me-the brunette, grumpy, cheese pizza aficionado who was 20 pounds heavier and completely miserable. See below:This was one of the few pictures I could find of me during my "Portly" stage since I burned nearly every image of myself during this time, changed my facebook account and threatened my friends and family within an inch of their life to remove any evidence of this travesty from their bookshelves, websites and picture frames.

So even though it wasn't as if you could compare me to the Goodyear blimp, those 5 years that I found myself stuck in an unhappy weight really messed with my mind--I imagine LSD having similar side-effects. It all started in college and my new found love for Steak and Shake - thus going 8 consecutive days eating steak cheeseburgers with a chocolate shake. During this stage in life I got married, graduated college, landed my first job and got a divorce. Did the fact that I weighed pretty much the same amount as my first husband contribute to the demise of my marriage? Probably. I mean since he wasn't a licensed heavy equipment operator so he just couldn't figure out how I worked. Kidding.

Hindsight being 20/20, now I believe that my self image at the time contributed significantly to the heartache and turmoil I went through. The saying, you can't be happy with anyone until you're happy with yourself truly applied to me. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't even recognize myself. In high school I was vibrant, beautiful and confidant in who I was. Fast forward a few years later and I found myself completely unable to love myself yet alone any one else.

I was sick constantly. I had developed a skin rash no doctor could figure out, my hair was falling out, I couldn't get out of bed in the morning, I was cranky and I cried all the time.....imagine being married to that! Imagine BEING that! I was a complete wreck and finding the energy to participate in the day was exhausting in itself.

A few months after filing for divorce, I had a nervous breakdown at my office and was taken by co-workers to the hospital. There, I was diagnosed with depression. It was the first time I truly felt like a doctor knew exactly what was wrong with me. If you've been a follower of my blog for sometime you know that I am currently working on a book titled, "A Diet Called Divorce".

Countless people have asked me how I lost the weight and the honest answer is that it took hitting rock bottom and realizing that the only way left to go was up made me get my act together. And it's not necessarily "being skinny" or "loosing weight"....I believe it's being the best YOU that you can be. I know I sound like Dr. Phil (my Texas accent is nearly that bad, too) but since I became accountable to my body and trying to taking care of it as if it were a temple, I have become such a happier person.

God only gives us one body while we're on this Earth. And the moment I stopped treating my body like a Ford Focus and more like a Bentley, was the moment I began to remember that I had value not only to myself but to other people. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some health crazed work-out junkie who's best friend is my trainer, Tad. I'm actually quite far from that.

For example, I love Ribs.

And I don't work out a lot, I eat processed foods and I snack after dinner. But, mainly what changed is I began to appreciate my body and love my body. When you love something, you take care of it. You don't give it things that would harm it or feed it an entire tray of blueberry muffins in one setting (hypothetically, people!).

But to really answer your question and give you some practical steps to getting that excess weight off that doesn't require laxatives and a really long index finger.

  1. Kid's meals. I truly think it's all about portion control. Jelly-belly JPO- 1/2 large pizza. Happy JPO- 2 slices of pizza. I ALWAYS order a kid's meal, now. And if the waiter tells you that you're too old and you tried to bat your eyes and show a little cleavage, then split with somebody. Plus, you save money and you don't feel as bad when you buy that super cute LV wallet.
  2. Don't waste your calories on liquids. Did you know a large Sonic Coke with Cherry is close to 1,000 calories? For most girls, your calorie intake for the day shouldn't exceed 1,500. You pretty much shot your day with that sugary drink.
  3. Don't obsess over it. Was the Great Wall of China built in a day? No! So, don't expect to loose weight fast. When you start being conscious of what you are eating and begin taking steps in the right direction, you will eventually see it.
  4. Hang out with skinny people. I'm not lying! Have you ever eaten dinner with a really skinny person? They will order a salad with their dressing on the side and lightly dip the tip of their fork in the low-calorie dressing before taking their bite. Half of the salad will remain on the plate and they will drink 4 to 5 glass of water during the meal. Now, if that doesn't make you disgusted by the bacon-cheeseburger you ordered.
  5. Watch out for a beer belly! If it's fruity and comes with an umbrella in it--STAY AWAY! You might as well take to your waist a syringe of pure pig fat.
  6. Love yourself. You won't take proper care for it if you don't!

Would you stick a bumper sticker on a Bentely? I DON'T THINK SO!

post signature

16 comments:

Tara said...

congrats on getting the skinnies!! i try to go for kids meals too!

Amanda Kines-Phillips said...

I 100% agree with everything you wrote and *gasp* I am one of the fat girls!! I cant stand the ones like me that are like, "oh woe is me" "yall just don't understand" blah blah blah nonsense. I'm the one to blame for getting to this point and I'm the one responsible for changing it. I had weight loss surgery last year to start my new life and since, I've lost 50lbs with much more to go.

By the way, who created your blog design? I need to hire someone to fix mine!

C:M:W said...

good post sweet friend. I loved you both ways, but I am glad you are loving yourself now.

we hate you. love, us said...

I totally agree! I finally decided to buckle down and lose weight for my wedding and I couldn't get over how the little changes made such a big difference. Loving myself meant loving my body and I'm so thrilled with how I feel. Great post!

Super Fox said...

Thank you for that! Great advice and great blog as always!

Aly @ Analyze This said...

A.) If someone gets offended, they should stop reading. Your blog. Your thoughts. :)

B.) I try to live by the "you can't be happy with anyone until you're happy with yourself."

C.) Your advice cracked me up...especially the whole "eat with skinny people"...but girl, it's TRUE!!

D.) I'm anxious to learn more about this book of yours! Best of luck with it :)

PS- Steak n' Shake chocolate milkshakes are the best!!!

Have a good day, skinny ;)

Katie said...

i will be taking these suggestions to heart after i birth this baby. i'm already nervous about the road out of mom/maternity jeans and back into my designers. UGH.

way to go chickadee you're definately an inspiration.

Design Apprentice said...

All the skinny ladies, all the skinny ladies!
Dayum girl. I am so impressed with your story. You have a true flare for writing that I can only think of two published authors with a similar edge. I have no doubt your book will become a success and I can't wait to read it.

Seriously though, weight for most women is such a constant struggle. I try to remember that I don't want to put unleaded in a car that takes Premium and God doesn't want me putting White Castles in a body that needs Veggies.

I don't know if you've ever heard of Clean by Dr. Alejandro Junger. I did the 21 day program (only 16 days though, right before Christmas) and it was life changing and I felt better than ever. It's a great way to eat truly healthy and challenge yourself. You can buy his premade products, but to save money I made everything at home.

Bottom line, You've come a long away and you look gorgeous as you are now. I try to emulate the skinny girl way of eating, at least on occasion. Thanks for the honest and wonderful post. You're truly beautiful in your before and after picture but congratulations on becoming a skinny.

Design Apprentice said...

All the skinny ladies, all the skinny ladies!
Dayum girl. I am so impressed with your story. You have a true flare for writing that I can only think of two published authors with a similar edge. I have no doubt your book will become a success and I can't wait to read it.

Seriously though, weight for most women is such a constant struggle. I try to remember that I don't want to put unleaded in a car that takes Premium and God doesn't want me putting White Castles in a body that needs Veggies.

I don't know if you've ever heard of Clean by Dr. Alejandro Junger. I did the 21 day program (only 16 days though, right before Christmas) and it was life changing and I felt better than ever. It's a great way to eat truly healthy and challenge yourself. You can buy his premade products, but to save money I made everything at home.

Bottom line, You've come a long away and you look gorgeous as you are now. I try to emulate the skinny girl way of eating, at least on occasion. Thanks for the honest and wonderful post. You're truly beautiful in your before and after picture but congratulations on becoming a skinny.

Amber Rawlings said...

ah yes. exactly what i was looking for.

Amie said...

This was an AWESOME post!!! Thanks. I am not a big girl or anything but like many women I have my battles. I am currently trying to lose my last 10lb of my "my life is falling apart" divorce weight. I lost weight almost right after my divorce was final but still have a few lb to go. It is all up to US as to what decisions we make in life...including our weight. Kudos to you...I would have never thought! You are an amazing writter and can't wait to read your book.

The Cade Family said...

I laughed out loud reading your blog. My story is so similar, it's nice to see others going through the same thing. Thanks for sharing your story.

Alex said...

Thanks for your interesting posting... i find it so educative and informational, make sure keep up the good work

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Mama Laughlin said...

Haha. I love this post!
I am over from Aly's blog and I'm a new follower from the Dallas area as well.
Love your blog!

Nutra Slim said...

nice one thank you for sharing.

Girdle for women said...

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