This blog may offend some of you (go figure???) -mainly those of you who are overweight and pretend to "embrace" your fuller figure. The type of women who find the cellulite on the back of their thunder thighs to be appealing and the rolls of fat on their stomach a convenient place to set their coffee cup. The type of women who have Christina Aguilera's song "I am Beautiful" set as their ring tone. Now don't get me wrong, if you truly fit into this rare category of women who don't mind their sexiest undergarment being nude Spanx Power Panties then good for you! I know that all of our bodies are made differently and that women come in all shapes and sizes. There are some women who will never be a size 8 but could kick my ass in a relay race. But before you roll your eyes at this "skinny bitch" and get prepared to write an anonymous comment about how I would never understand what it was like to have stretch marks and to crave gallons of ice cream....stop right there.
Once upon a time I was....ahhhh, you see....I was, I was kind of...sort of....plump, stout, overweight, large, chubby, portly, flabby, paunchy, pot bellied, beer-bellied, meaty, ample, heavy set, obese, corpulent, fleshy, gross, plus-size, big-boned, tubby, roly-poly, beefy, porky, blubbery, chunky, pudgy......get it?
And worse than that, I was the chubby chick who was in major denial. For months I sported a muffin top (the fat that sticks over your too tiny jeans giving the look of a muffin top with your stomach) refusing to throw out my pants thus admitting that once again, I had jumped up a size.
Presently you know me as a happily married 120 pound blond that comfortably eases into her size 27 jeans. However, this was not always the case. Some of you remember the old me-the brunette, grumpy, cheese pizza aficionado who was 20 pounds heavier and completely miserable. See below:This was one of the few pictures I could find of me during my "Portly" stage since I burned nearly every image of myself during this time, changed my facebook account and threatened my friends and family within an inch of their life to remove any evidence of this travesty from their bookshelves, websites and picture frames.
So even though it wasn't as if you could compare me to the Goodyear blimp, those 5 years that I found myself stuck in an unhappy weight really messed with my mind--I imagine LSD having similar side-effects. It all started in college and my new found love for Steak and Shake - thus going 8 consecutive days eating steak cheeseburgers with a chocolate shake. During this stage in life I got married, graduated college, landed my first job and got a divorce. Did the fact that I weighed pretty much the same amount as my first husband contribute to the demise of my marriage? Probably. I mean since he wasn't a licensed heavy equipment operator so he just couldn't figure out how I worked. Kidding.
Hindsight being 20/20, now I believe that my self image at the time contributed significantly to the heartache and turmoil I went through. The saying, you can't be happy with anyone until you're happy with yourself truly applied to me. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't even recognize myself. In high school I was vibrant, beautiful and confidant in who I was. Fast forward a few years later and I found myself completely unable to love myself yet alone any one else.
I was sick constantly. I had developed a skin rash no doctor could figure out, my hair was falling out, I couldn't get out of bed in the morning, I was cranky and I cried all the time.....imagine being married to that! Imagine BEING that! I was a complete wreck and finding the energy to participate in the day was exhausting in itself.
A few months after filing for divorce, I had a nervous breakdown at my office and was taken by co-workers to the hospital. There, I was diagnosed with depression. It was the first time I truly felt like a doctor knew exactly what was wrong with me. If you've been a follower of my blog for sometime you know that I am currently working on a book titled, "A Diet Called Divorce".
Countless people have asked me how I lost the weight and the honest answer is that it took hitting rock bottom and realizing that the only way left to go was up made me get my act together. And it's not necessarily "being skinny" or "loosing weight"....I believe it's being the best YOU that you can be. I know I sound like Dr. Phil (my Texas accent is nearly that bad, too) but since I became accountable to my body and trying to taking care of it as if it were a temple, I have become such a happier person.
God only gives us one body while we're on this Earth. And the moment I stopped treating my body like a Ford Focus and more like a Bentley, was the moment I began to remember that I had value not only to myself but to other people. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some health crazed work-out junkie who's best friend is my trainer, Tad. I'm actually quite far from that.
And I don't work out a lot, I eat processed foods and I snack after dinner. But, mainly what changed is I began to appreciate my body and love my body. When you love something, you take care of it. You don't give it things that would harm it or feed it an entire tray of blueberry muffins in one setting (hypothetically, people!).
But to really answer your question and give you some practical steps to getting that excess weight off that doesn't require laxatives and a really long index finger.
- Kid's meals. I truly think it's all about portion control. Jelly-belly JPO- 1/2 large pizza. Happy JPO- 2 slices of pizza. I ALWAYS order a kid's meal, now. And if the waiter tells you that you're too old and you tried to bat your eyes and show a little cleavage, then split with somebody. Plus, you save money and you don't feel as bad when you buy that super cute LV wallet.
- Don't waste your calories on liquids. Did you know a large Sonic Coke with Cherry is close to 1,000 calories? For most girls, your calorie intake for the day shouldn't exceed 1,500. You pretty much shot your day with that sugary drink.
- Don't obsess over it. Was the Great Wall of China built in a day? No! So, don't expect to loose weight fast. When you start being conscious of what you are eating and begin taking steps in the right direction, you will eventually see it.
- Hang out with skinny people. I'm not lying! Have you ever eaten dinner with a really skinny person? They will order a salad with their dressing on the side and lightly dip the tip of their fork in the low-calorie dressing before taking their bite. Half of the salad will remain on the plate and they will drink 4 to 5 glass of water during the meal. Now, if that doesn't make you disgusted by the bacon-cheeseburger you ordered.
- Watch out for a beer belly! If it's fruity and comes with an umbrella in it--STAY AWAY! You might as well take to your waist a syringe of pure pig fat.
- Love yourself. You won't take proper care for it if you don't!
Would you stick a bumper sticker on a Bentely? I DON'T THINK SO!