Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Halloween and Hookers

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter H.

It’s that time of year again. The time when closet hoochie momma’s across the planet start preparing for their favorite holiday of the year: Halloween. The night where sluts can be sluts and no one can say a damn thing about it.

This concept has always cracked me up. Every woman has the word “sexy” as the descriptive in her costume. Someone is either a sexy cop, or a sexy fairy or a sexy Strawberry Shortcake. Ahem, Strawberry Shortcake was NOT sexy. She was stubby, wore a terrible looking hat and had cankles.

One time I saw an acquaintance of mine walk into a party in see-thru lingerie with a tag hanging off of her that said “$5 Hooker”. Casually I walked up to her and asked why she decided not to dress up that year.

Bad-a-bing.

True story.

I digress.

So, in searching for my Halloween costume this year I’m kind of at a loss for whom to be. Every costume in the store was of two extremes. One, so cute it made me throw up in my mouth and the other were costumes designed for Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends. And I don't look like Hugh Hefner's girlfriends. Cellulite is Cellulite....even on Halloween ladies.

Mind you, I don’t think I’m at the stage where I want to dress up as a giant M&M and convince Buckethead that we should be “twinkies”. Nor, do I think it wouldn’t be nice to find something to wear that makes me feel good about my self and a little sexy. However, there’s nothing a little sexy about these costumes. It’s down right whore wear.

Side note: I once misspelled on my blog the word whore as hoar and my pastor brother (God loves him….No seriously, God like REALLY loves him. They are BFF. He can wear the Jesus is my Homeboy shirt and make it legitimate) wrote me an email saying: “You need to learn how to spell-check. You can’t even get your curse words right.”

Anyways, back to the story.

I’m stumped. My psyche won’t allow me to be anything that is unoriginal therefore my costume should emanate my creative dominance over all my peers. Yet, somehow despite my awesomeness, I have a feeling my costume is going to be one of mundane facade.

So, whose it going to be? Snookie, Lady Gaga, Where's Waldo, Little Wayne, an illegal immigrant?

Who knows, maybe I'll give in and find the fulfillment I so desperately seek in the form of a Naughty Nurse costume.

post signature

9 comments:

Neely said...

You should go as Rachel zoe :) You have the perfect hair...

I agree little miss muffet isnt sexy either :)

Aly @ Analyze This said...

You are crazy!!!

Y'all should go as Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey - I secretly want them to get back together!

I am still up in the air with my costume - but I will probably go to my 'comfort costume' ... which is an 80's aerobic instructor ... fanny pack and all :)

Molly said...

TOO FUNNY! I would kill to see you dressed up as Snooki, HA!! I saw somewhere online that was going to be the most popular costume this year, REALLY?!

We couldn't come up with anything last year either, so we went as hunter's, camo and all! EEEEK!

I'm digging Aly's idea, the 80's aerobic instructor!

Katie said...

i'm going as a giant pregnant heiffer. oh wait ...

we hate you. love, us said...

haha oh man, I totally feel you. It's rough - I'm not one for "sexy ____" but then I don't want to wear something super cheesy. I have no idea what to be this halloween. Let us know what you decide!

Mama Laughlin said...

haha I love this! "Cellulite is cellulite even on halloween ladies!"
and I couldn't agree more with the whore costumes... it's either pink and fluffy or it's lace and little.
Gag.

I want to dress up as Harry & Lloyd from Dumb n Dumber but those costumes are crazy expensive!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

Your hilarious! I agree you should do a funny one, I like aly's aerobic instructor.

Tiffany said...

Just found your blog today - very fun!

Do you watch True Blood? You could go as Rev Steve and his wife.

http://truebloodnet.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/steve-and-sarah-newlin-true-blood.jpg

OR, I love this Jem costume. If I was dressing up this year, I would totally go as her! You could wear leggings instead of the fishnets.

http://www.spirithalloween.com/product/jem-adult-womens-costume/

Whitney said...

Haha...I know what you mean. By this time last year, I already had my costume bought and planned. However, this year that isn't the case. My boyfriend and I just came up with our idea two nights ago!