Today's blog is brought to you by the letter H.
It’s that time of year again. The time when closet hoochie momma’s across the planet start preparing for their favorite holiday of the year: Halloween. The night where sluts can be sluts and no one can say a damn thing about it.
This concept has always cracked me up. Every woman has the word “sexy” as the descriptive in her costume. Someone is either a sexy cop, or a sexy fairy or a sexy Strawberry Shortcake. Ahem, Strawberry Shortcake was NOT sexy. She was stubby, wore a terrible looking hat and had cankles.
One time I saw an acquaintance of mine walk into a party in see-thru lingerie with a tag hanging off of her that said “$5 Hooker”. Casually I walked up to her and asked why she decided not to dress up that year.
So, in searching for my Halloween costume this year I’m kind of at a loss for whom to be. Every costume in the store was of two extremes. One, so cute it made me throw up in my mouth and the other were costumes designed for Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends. And I don't look like Hugh Hefner's girlfriends. Cellulite is Cellulite....even on Halloween ladies.
Mind you, I don’t think I’m at the stage where I want to dress up as a giant M&M and convince Buckethead that we should be “twinkies”. Nor, do I think it wouldn’t be nice to find something to wear that makes me feel good about my self and a little sexy. However, there’s nothing a little sexy about these costumes. It’s down right whore wear.
Side note: I once misspelled on my blog the word whore as hoar and my pastor brother (God loves him….No seriously, God like REALLY loves him. They are BFF. He can wear the Jesus is my Homeboy shirt and make it legitimate) wrote me an email saying: “You need to learn how to spell-check. You can’t even get your curse words right.”
Anyways, back to the story.
I’m stumped. My psyche won’t allow me to be anything that is unoriginal therefore my costume should emanate my creative dominance over all my peers. Yet, somehow despite my awesomeness, I have a feeling my costume is going to be one of mundane facade.
So, whose it going to be? Snookie, Lady Gaga, Where's Waldo, Little Wayne, an illegal immigrant?
Who knows, maybe I'll give in and find the fulfillment I so desperately seek in the form of a Naughty Nurse costume.