Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Random Ramblings

I just ran three miles.

Impressive, I know.

Somehow three miles justify me drinking wine....alone.

They say, alcoholics are the one's who drink alone. What do "they" know anyways? And who is "they"? I'm guessing "they" are the PTA, Willy Wonka's Umpa Lumpas or the Southern Baptist Convention of Texas. Just a guess.

Anyway, I think Florence Henderson is awesome on Dancing With the Stars. I mean, did she really dry hump like a pubescent teenage boy on the dance floor in last night's show? It was hot. I'm 40 years her junior and my knees hurt.

Like, I think I need some Icy-Hot rub or a margarita.....anything to ease the pain.

We went to the State Fair over the weekend. I ate Fried Frito Pie, Fried Oreos and a Corn Dog. This year I managed to not throw up in the bushes (yes, this happend last year). My guess it because I gracefully passed on the chicken fried bacon.

I don't feel bad about it indulging but my ass is saying a different story.

Speaking of my ass, it's gotten larger. That's why I went running.

I really need a bikini wax.

I bet that last confession made my mom really uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel guilty for being a little more vocal than my southern momma raised me. But, I figure I'll just pay off her house when my slightly crude words make me a HUGE STAR (it will happen, right?) At least I didn't say vagina.

Last year I managed a winning sports team. It was a fantasty football team, but I won, never the less. And then I gloated in my victory and yelled, "nana-nana boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo" to my co-workers; sent out a company wide email thanking everyone for their support and told them I would be collecting the $50 owed from each of them by the end of the day.

I wasn't invited back this year to participate.....It kind of hurt my feelings.

Oh, and I have a very expensive purse. It broke. This proves materialism is alive and well. They really aren't "better quality", they just have a logo all over it.

When I was little, I use to paint my nails with liquid paper. I also told my second grade class that "Sex was a beautiful thing for our mommy's and daddy's".

I still don't like my second grade teacher.

I should go make dinner now.

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11 comments:

Miss Southern Vol said...

I just LOVE your blog! You say anything and everything and it officially makes my day everytime I see you have a new post! My butt needs to go running- however the glass of wine in front of me is much more entertaining! Props to you!! Have a wonderful evening

Brandi said...

You are sooo freakin' funny!!!!!!! Always makes me smile!!! THANKS!!!

Aly @ Analyze This said...

Really JPo...sex was a beautiful for Mommy and Daddy's ... in second grade?!?! Love it.

Wine sounds fabulous right now, but quite frankly I am sore from my new class at the gym 'butts and guts' - creative name, but how embarrassing is that to say?!

Talk soon! xo

Neely said...

LOL sex was beautiful for mommy and daddy. I so heart your blog. did you love the fried frito pie? I sure did...im thinking of going back just for that. I feel you on the posting too much. my mom told me she didnt appreciate my "vulger" twitter posts

Molly said...

I love how you just say exactly what is on your mind. I need to practice that a little more in my every day life. There are so many things I would love to blog about, but don't for fear of my parents taking it the wrong way. That's a ridiculous statment I know!

Have a fab evening, enjoy your wine :)

Tiffany said...

Haha, love it all! I would love to see you do VLOG...and I could definitely see you as the next Chelsea Handler!

Laura said...

HAHAH! that is so hilarious, thanks for the laugh.

Go FLorence, GO! mama Brady is working it!

Screw the wine judgement. Glee and wine in bed in my Tuesday ritual.

Hahah.. you can't always please your mama!

Smiling is Good for your Teeth said...

Congrats on running so long!! Good for you!! I definitely think you are justified!! And you aren't considered an alcoholic until you drink and entire bottle alone.. one glass...or two...or three..but not the entire bottle! :-)

Whitney said...

When I run three miles, I always celebrate with Coldstone lol

Love your blog!

kswann said...

The three mile REALLY made you look HOTT in your stretchy pants..on the golf course..on Sunday. xo

Morgan said...

I love your blog! You crack me up!