I just ran three miles.
Impressive, I know.
Somehow three miles justify me drinking wine....alone.
They say, alcoholics are the one's who drink alone. What do "they" know anyways? And who is "they"? I'm guessing "they" are the PTA, Willy Wonka's Umpa Lumpas or the Southern Baptist Convention of Texas. Just a guess.
Anyway, I think Florence Henderson is awesome on Dancing With the Stars. I mean, did she really dry hump like a pubescent teenage boy on the dance floor in last night's show? It was hot. I'm 40 years her junior and my knees hurt.
Like, I think I need some Icy-Hot rub or a margarita.....anything to ease the pain.
We went to the State Fair over the weekend. I ate Fried Frito Pie, Fried Oreos and a Corn Dog. This year I managed to not throw up in the bushes (yes, this happend last year). My guess it because I gracefully passed on the chicken fried bacon.
I don't feel bad about it indulging but my ass is saying a different story.
Speaking of my ass, it's gotten larger. That's why I went running.
I really need a bikini wax.
I bet that last confession made my mom really uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel guilty for being a little more vocal than my southern momma raised me. But, I figure I'll just pay off her house when my slightly crude words make me a HUGE STAR (it will happen, right?) At least I didn't say vagina.
Last year I managed a winning sports team. It was a fantasty football team, but I won, never the less. And then I gloated in my victory and yelled, "nana-nana boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo" to my co-workers; sent out a company wide email thanking everyone for their support and told them I would be collecting the $50 owed from each of them by the end of the day.
I wasn't invited back this year to participate.....It kind of hurt my feelings.
Oh, and I have a very expensive purse. It broke. This proves materialism is alive and well. They really aren't "better quality", they just have a logo all over it.
When I was little, I use to paint my nails with liquid paper. I also told my second grade class that "Sex was a beautiful thing for our mommy's and daddy's".
I still don't like my second grade teacher.
I should go make dinner now.