Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Random Ramblings

I'm at home sick today and am watching the Presidential News Conference.

To be honest, I think it's kind of boring and I'm only watching it by default. I clicked on the The Ellen Show and I guess NBC deems Obama's importance slightly higher than a talk show. Is it bad that I care more about the Real Housewives of Atlanta and Kim's wig collection over how we are going to become a fiscally responsible nation or the removal of "Don't ask, don't tell"?

Sunday night we took the kids to Holiday in the Park at Six Flags. We got in a fight in line with a woman in a Looney Tunes sweatshirt and a missing tooth. This woman went all crazy on us and called Buckethead a "white trash hick that needed to get back to the trailer park" (BH did kinda dress the part: jeans, boots, Harley Davidson ball-cap, and a Carhartt jacket). I responded, "Well then, I guess we're neighbors. Need a ride home?".

She got her acid-washed pleated jeans in a bunch because BH wouldn't let her reorganize the entire line of 2,568 people to accommodate her desire that all 74 members of her family ride together. BH mumbled something to her under his breath that sounded a lot like the web address for weightwatchers.com. BH was a little excited afterwards, however, at the notion that he looked like a country hick -- "do I really look like a hill-billy?" he asked me all wide-eyed and hopeful. "Not really" -- your jacket costs over $100, so do your jeans, and I smell better than cupcakes" I responded. But then again, considering we were at Six Flags....when you lay with the dogs, you DO get fleas...

Two weeks ago, I never thought I would say this but, my Christmas shopping is done AND wrapped--with designer bows and personalized gift tags in the shapes of Poinsettias. Wow, I am SO domestic. At the rate I'm going, I might even make Santa cookies that aren't break and bake.

Since so many of you are special to me but I don't have your address because, after all, we DID meet on the internet. For all you know I'm a fat, hairy guy behind a computer who wants to make a lamp shade out of your skin and a necklace out of your teeth. But since, I didn't want you to miss out, I've attached our 2010 Christmas Card to share with you.


5 comments:

Brandi said...

OMG, I'm dying over your funny "NEIGHOR" comment!!! Freakin' awesome!!!! Love your Christmas card!! Merry Christmas!

Sole Matters said...

love the "and i smell sweeter than cupcakes" comment. hilarious!

Grimes Life said...

I love your card, very cute family!

Jess said...

This post rocks. All of it. I coudn't even pick out an really obnoxious part I liked the best, because the entire thing was obnoxious.

I heart you.

Aly @ Analyze This said...

You are such a bitch! I love it though - really - I do. I would have said the same thing to that hag ...

And I have yet to receive my card! I just put yours in the mail this afternoon - I know - I suck out loud!