Tonight was a solo night for me with the kids. Buckethead assured me it would be an easy one, gave me a pep talk, a slap on the butt and a knuckle bump before he left entrusting me with his most valuable assets.
Inevitably, something of huge magnitude happened in his absence. Something bigger than Kim Kardashian's ass and Obama's ego; Mitch lost a tooth. And no, I didn't pull it. As it dangled from one nerve, I told him "Good luck buddy; you're on your own". Trust me, I would have passed out, thus causing my body to loose its ability to hold my bowels and it would have been a big mess--a big mess of poo. Huge. So seriously, I'm not a bad step-mom for refusing to help pull the tooth. Right?
So the icing on the cake is that Mitch still believes in the Tooth Fairy. Well, throw me a pink tutu, some magic fairy dust and a disturbing obsession for collecting human teeth and BAHM...I AM the TOOTH FAIRY.
Have YOU ever been the tooth fairy? Do you understand the guilt you would have if you were the one who screwed up the whole mystery and magic of being paid for your tooth? (And not in the creepy way, like the guy in my office who I swear wants to make a necklace out of my teeth and a lampshade out of my skin) If you have, then you join me in understanding the seer importance yet overwhelming sense of responsibility that comes with being "The Tooth Fairy".
Thankfully, Tooth Fairy duty went on without a hitch. Somehow, God teaches people once they become parent's how to walk silently through a house, lift up a pillow with a heavy head on it , take out a tooth and stick a couple of bucks under it whilst never disturbing a single sleeping occupant in the house. Man, that would have been helpful when I tried to sneak out of the house when I was a teenager. It never worked--always got caught.
In the morning, I will throw my hands up with surprise when Mitch runs down the stairs to show me the $5 that magically appeared under his pillow last night. I will tell him that must mean he is one of the Tooth Fairies favorites and I will get to once again, be reminded of the sheer magic that it is to be a kid.