Earlier this summer I went to a "white-trash" birthday party.
For those of you who don't know, I am slightly white-trash by nature. I'm from a very small Texas town; I went to Homecoming my Sophomore year with a 4th cousin whom made-out with afterwards; my favorite fast food is the Dairy Queen and every male member of my family bears the name "Earl".
So given the blood that runs through my veins, getting dressed up for this party was a piece of cake.
Cut-off shorts? CHECK.
Colored Bra under a wife beater. CHECK, CHECK.
House shoes and a cigarette. CHECK.
When contemplating what to do with my hair, the infamous scrunchie immediately popped into my head. I knew that I had to have a scrunchie to make my fashion statement. That being said, I was a bit hesitant because this meant I would have to venture out, leave my comfort zone of Target and visit the great unknown; Wal-Mart.
I should mention that I'm not the biggest fan of the Wal-mart. The people are barefoot; poopy diapered toddlers are running amok; someone in a spandex onsie is squeezing an avocado next to me saying, "Take this one home. You can chew it. It's delicious".
Plus you can buy tires at the same place you can buy your meat. Basically, it's just not for me.
However, if I was going to get that scruchie I would have to put on my big girl panties and go to the Super Center. Upon entering, I knew I had come to the right place. Wal-mart has to be what is keeping the Scrunchie makers a-float because they pretty much had a designated Scrunchie aisle.
There were Velvet Scrunchies; big scrunchies; multi-colored scrunchies; tortise clips from the maker of Scrunchie. denim scrunchies; and banana clips. Yes, they even had banana clips!
Instantly, I began to channel my inner 90's child and fell back into the days when Save By the Bell's Kelly Kapowski was my idol; the idea of fashion was neon girbaud shorts and a No Fear t-shirt; and throwing around little paper circles called Pogs was a sign of a good time.
Yes the era of the scrunchie was a happier time. When I was growing up prostitution was cool because Julia Roberts played one and got to end up with Richard Gere thus changing my idea of future job paths. Pee-Wee Herman was still just a creepy looking adult that had a playhouse and not a guy that was arrested for charming the snake in a parking lot. Mark Walburg still ran around without his shirt off; I had a dance routine for every Ace of Base song on my tape track And As if! Clueless was my all-time favorite movie.
Walking out of the Wal-mart with a bag full of scrunchies made me recall the seriously awesome aspects of being a teeny-bopper in the 90s. All I wanted was to go back to a school dance and rock out to the Macarena with a head full of scrunchies and a pair of Doc Martens on my feet.
So, call me classless but ever since I got the scrunchies, I can't stop wearing them! I big pink puffy heart the scrunchie. They're convenient, they don't pull out my very expensive Asain hair, you can sleep in them AND let us not forget that they come in tie-dye! How could something so great disappear along with the Spice Girls?
I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really, want. I WANT MORE SCRUNCHIES. Yes, if you want to be my lover, you gotta get me more scrunchies.
Am I relatively mortified that I go to the gym in a hot pink scrunchie? Possibly.
But, if we would all make a stand and say, "NO MORE. I REFUSE TO BE THE VICTIM OF FASHIONABLE HAIR WEAR" and say, "YES" to the scrunchie. This world would be a better place and maybe, just maybe Hanson would make a come-back.