Monday, March 9, 2009

If I was back in High School....

If I were back in High School I would be.....
.....just waking up from my 2 hour nap to the smell of my mother starting on dinner downstairs
.....beginning my preparation to watch re-runs of the Real World Las Vegas followed by Laguna Beach.
.....drinking my 3rd regular coke (no, no NOT diet) of the afternoon whilst munching on a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos while wondering if my size 2 jeans feel a little tight today.
....already making big plans for the weekend with my girlfriends and discussing who's wearing what...who's doing who...and who broke up with who.
.....amazed at how my room is magically clean. (Clueless to the fact of my mother who is making up my bed behind me. while I am on AOL IM on the computer).

But, I'm no longer in High School. I am sitting at my desk, counting down the minutes until 5. I am tired, stressed, in need of a drink, and to be honest.....I need to go #2. I forgot to put deodorant on today and I am making myself want to gag. I cleaned my car this weekend for the first time in MONTHS and now its going to rain tomorrow. I have bills I don't want to pay, an apartment I don't want to clean and an ex-husband who "doesn't want to see me" not even to do our taxes!! So as I sit here drinking my Diet Coke, because the calories in a regular coke would only increase the muffin top that is hanging over my size 4 pants, I think to myself.....I wish I were back in high school!
(On the bright side, my sweet boyfriend sent me my favorite flowers to work and that can make any bad day better!).

Friday, February 20, 2009

So How Did We Really Meet??


So, I get a text message last night from two dear childhood friends submitting a requested topic for my blog. The request: "How did you meet your boyfriend?" . I find this so funny because this always seems to be everyone's first question; as if they can't fathom the idea of me meeting someone older, romantically, in everyday life . Like I had to travel to some foreign planet where "gold-diggers", "cradle robbers", "cougars" and Hugh Hefner's ex girlfriends all travel to find a date for the weekend. This is often how the conversation goes...

"So how did you meet Mark?".

"Mutual friends".

Long pause......"REALLLLY".

Meaning......how do you even have mutual friends?? Isn't he....older??? Doesn't he like live in a house like old people do and have a mortgage and pool, a life insurance policy and (long dramatic pause) KiDs!!?! But, never the less, the curiosity of my friends and family has been quite entertaining. So...how did we really meet?? The following are a few scenarios. Maybe one is the right story or maybe they all are the right story. Take a guess......


1.) We met at church....while we were both married. (Oh no the horror!!) BUT, before you fall on your knees and throw Holy Water at your computer screen, it was only in passing. Mark was my ex-husbands' Youth group, Sunday school teacher. We didn't reconnect until we ran in to each other at a bar this past summer (don't tell the baptist) and began chatting. When we realized that we both were recently divorced, we exchanged numbers, left the bar and enjoyed a late night breakfast with each other. We went out on our first 'real' date the next day.


2.) We met through a mutual friend. A co-worker of mine was trying to get me out of what she liked to call a "slump". She made it her personal goal and utmost priority to find me a man. I was beginning to think she was not trying to find the the perfect man...just ANY man. She began by setting me up with a golf pro she knew. She showed me a picture and he seemed cute and I like golf, so I thought that would be a great match...WRONG. Complete and Total photo-fraud! So bad I didn't even recognize him when he sat down across from me at the restaurant. So, needless to say, when she suggested I try one more friend of hers, I was a bit apprehensive. We I went up to Mark, at the wine bar after being 15 minutes late- he stood up (tall-Check!) and smiled (cute-Check) and lead me to the table by placing, but not touching, his hand at the small of my back (gentleman-CHECK)....I knew that I was in for a great night. We stayed and talked for hours and had such a good time. When he called the next day and asked me out again...I whole heartedly said "YES".


3.) We met on a dating web site. I allowed my curiosity to get the best of me, went against my better judgement and signed up for match.com on a three week trial. Online dating, quickly proved itself to be all that I imagined....Horrible! I absolutely hated it. The first guy I talked to online (cute, seemingly funny, smart, successful) ended up solely being online to find lonely desperate women to participate in his "threesome" fantasies. I pulled myself out of that running before you could say "sex addict". Went to the movies with another guy who tried to hold my hand 3 minutes into the show and I freaked out on him....never heard back from that guy. When my 3 wks was coming to an end, I got a message from a nice looking man. I read his profile and he seemed interesting, but my experience had been so bad, I didn't contact him. A few days later with only a few short days to spare on the site...I decided to write the guy back. I'm so glad that I did. Three days later, we met up for dinner and both agreed it was the best blind date ever.


4.) We met in the parking lot. I was running across the parking lot at my work-shoes in one hand, Starbucks coffee in the next. I was 5 minutes late for an emergency meeting our CEO had just called. Mark was also walking up to my building to meet with a customer of his on the 7th floor of my building. He was walking in front of me, with his associates as I dashed past him and....spilled my Starbucks on the sleeve of his jacket. I spun around and apologized expecting to get a thrashing from him. He said it was not a problem and smiled. I ran into my office and slipped in late to my meeting. As I was coming out of the restroom a few hours later I saw him step off the elevator. I walked up to him, apologized again and handed him my business card to contact me if I ruined his suit. Well he contacted me a few days later, not to pay for his dry cleaning but to ask me to dinner. I said yes. He still hasn't gotten that suit cleaned..he likes to say it is our very first memory.


So which one (or ones) is it? How did Mark and I really meet?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

"Chubby" isn't a good look for me


I've become obsessed lately with something that I swore I would never obsess over....my weight!! Ahhh....the torture of it all. I've become the girl that has ALWAYS gotten on my nerves. You know the girl that is skinny, yet, she is the one that is doing the "detox" or going to Walgreens in the middle of the night to buy Hoodia, Slimfast, Hydroxicut, CLA pills, colon cleansers (no, I haven't reached that level of desperation...yet).


As some of you know, I went to college a cute petite and athletic 110 lb girl and came home for Thanksgiving sporting much more than the "freshman 15". Those late night stops at Steak and Shake and cheap beer went pretty much straight to my arse (and cheeks, arms, legs, stomach etc). I even got what I like to call the 'double butt' - you know that little roll of fat right below your butt that makes it kind of look like you have 4 butt cheeks??


So, I tried the No Carb diet...no such luck. Living off of hot dog weenies and string cheese lasted about a week and I think I actually gained a pound or two on it. So then I decided to start eating salads-which didn't work with my extreme love and devotion for ranch dressing and the unfortunate fact that ranch has more fat grams than an entire tub of lard. I think my mother was more devastated about my weight gain then I was. "You just need to come home" she would say "Dallas is just NOT healthy for you". Even though I tried I just couldn't get all the weight off. I lost a little (not much) and settled into a weight I wasn't happy with. Getting sick and getting use to it, I stayed that way. Looking back now, I realize how much it truly affected me...my self esteem, my self image, my health and most of all-- my hotness. This may sound vain, but I didn't understand why I didn't turn men's head in a room like I use to...and in a shallow way, it kind of hurt.


So last year I FINALLY found a diet that worked for me. A secret diet remedy that took off all that extra weight and kept it off. The diet is called "divorce" or you can get the generic version which is known as "depression". WOW. In a matter of a couple of months I lost 20 pounds. It was an overnight sensation. Divorce was bad...really bad, but you should always look for the good that comes out of bad. For me it was, self-awareness, forgiveness and a "Bad-A" new bod.


Well, so why am I worried about weight now? Well, I'm happy now! I truly am. I am so happy and content and excited about my life and my future. And with that happiness.....I have gained (gulp) 7 lbs back. 7 lbs??? Seriously, is it that big of a deal? The answer is no...and yet, I find myself obsessing about that weight. Getting on the scale everyday to see if its gone up and wishing that I could go on the T.V. show Survivor so I would be forced to loose weight.


I need to take a chill-pill (I wonder if they have dietary chill-pills???) and relax but the thing is....chubby just ain't a good look for me!


Side Note: I can guarantee that I will be getting a phone call from my mother, freaking out, asking me if I am taking diet pills or being "unhealthy". :) Gotta love those moms!

Friday, February 6, 2009

My Confessions

Forgive me friends, for I have sinned. Well, these may or may not be actual sins, but social sins none the less. We all have our little "quirks" or everyday secrets that make us quietly think "I hope nobody saw that" or "I would die if someone knew I did that". The catholics have one up on us Baptist with this Confession thing they have going on. You air out your dirty little secrets, put it out in the open...no matter how ugly it may seem, in order to have a sense of peace. WEll....this isn't going to give me a sense of tranquility, but heck...it might make you laugh. Enjoy!

I confess:

  • I toss the dryer lint behind the machine out of sight, instead of walking a few steps to throw it away in the trash.
  • I usually dont change my jeans after my dog has peed on the pant leg.
  • I buy at least one tabloid magazine a week
  • I'll go weeks at a time using shampoo for soap, or condition for shaving cream or bubble bath for shampoo etc. etc if I run out of something.
  • I own and have worn Spanx
  • I have terribly stinky feet
  • If I go into a restroom and see someone I know come out of a stall, I go into that one a.) because I would rather share butt-cheek germs with someone I know rather than a stranger and b.) I think its funny if someone's gone "big potty" to embarass them a little because they now know that I know what just went on in there.
  • I am in no way, shape or form an enviromentalist, but I'm such a trend follower that in some groups I pretend like I care about hybrids or recyling, yada yada blah blah....
  • You know those people you see in Wal-mart at 2 in the morning? Some of those folks are probably a part of my extended family.
  • I still believe that one day I might be famous
  • Once or twice I have washed the entire outside of my car using the little squeegie attached to the gas pump.
  • I still have a hard time staying awake for the entire church service and I still doodle little hearts and flowers on the bulletin.
  • Popping zits is one of my favorite nightly routines.
  • If the food doesn't come from a freezer bag, a can or a box...I probably wont be cooking it.
  • I have a tendency to be critical...something I really need to work on.
  • I dont really mind watching football, but I profess to hating it that way I don't have to watch every single game that comes on and when I do watch it my man appriciates my "sacrifice". (Sorry babe!)
  • I know this is weird, but I kind of believe that the moon has some weird connection with womanhood and the best cure for cramps is standing in moonlight. (I'm a weirdo).
  • I haven't had my teeth cleaned by a dentist in 3 years.

Well that's enough for now. What's your confession?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Dr. Seuss..You are So Wise..Your Silly Book put Tears in my Eyes


Did you like my rhyme?? I thought you would....


A few weeks into Mark and I dating, he bought me the book "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. I children's book. Not too romantic and slightly awkward.

"Thanks??" I replied cautiously, honored by the gesture of him giving me a gift but unsure of the thought behind it.

"Maybe it was his favorite book as a child" I thought to myself. Giving him the benefit of the doubt.


"Or maybe he looks at me as a child" --super creepy. This isn't some weird fetish is it? :) jhehe


No, it was none of those things. Mark knew what I needed to heal and gave me a "little push" in the form of a famous children's book.


I had read it as a child once or twice and seen it in passing nearly every time I went into a bookstore. When people ask you about books that have changed their life, you will often hear famous author like "Emily Bronte, Charles Dickens, John Piper etc". But not often is Dr. Seuss put into that group. I wanted to share with you, my friends, a few sections in the book "Oh the Places You'll Go" and how it reflects the times I have gone through and am still going through and the hope I have, through my Lord Jesus, to end my story, my road like this story does.


Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t

Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so

but, sadly, it’s true

and hang-ups

can happen to you.

You can get all hung up

in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch

with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump,

you’re not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

is not easily done........


Oh, the places you’ll go!

There is fun to be done!

There are points to be scored.

There are games to be won.

Fame!

You’ll be famous as famous can be,

with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t.

Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times

you’ll play lonely games too.

Games you can’t win’cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something

you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone,

there’s a very good chance

you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon

,that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go

though the weather be foul

On you will go

though your enemies prowl

On you will go

though your arms may get sore

and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike

and I know you’ll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,

as you already know....


And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Brayor Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,you’re off to Great Places!Today is your day!Your mountain is waiting.So…get on your way!Dr. Seuss

Monday, January 19, 2009

Funny Kid Story

Hanging out with Mark's kids has been such a joy. They are hilarious.

Over the Christmas holidays Mark, Julia, Mitch and I were eating dinner and talking about Christmas. We were asking each other Christmas questions, such as: "What is your favorite Christmas song", or "What is your favorite thing about Christmas". Mark proceed to ask Julia how she would decorate her very own Christmas tree. When Julia was reluctant to answer, Mark starting teasing her saying that he bet Julia would hang up her underwear on the tree. Out of nowhere, a laughing Mitch yelled, "Dad, can we put some breast on the Christmas tree??" We died laughing....we found out he meant to say 'bra', but he was hilarious coming out of that little boys mouth.

This Sunday I went over and had breakfast with Mark and the kiddos before church. Mark had some great old school hymns playing in the background....Mitch was quietly singing along. I began to pay attention to what he was singing....

"I'm still alive, I'm still alive, no darkness, no night...Praise the Lord, I'm still alive!!". Well, it may not be the right words of "I saw the light" but hey, in Mitch's defense...if he wants to Praise the Lord for still being alive...I certainly see no problem with it.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Feeling bad about yourself?? Just call mom...


I love my mom. She is really an encouragement...Not only lately but throughout my entire life. It is so nice having someone who thinks you are the closest thing to perfection-at least to them. She never spanked me as a child--no, not even once (maybe that's the reason I turned out this way...haha). She truly has her blinders on when it comes to me, and I am so very thankful for that.


I love you Mom!