Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Randomness of the Weekend

I don't have a particular blog topic for you today. No deep insight, that I'm sure all of you yearn for week after week. I'm not going to talk about my bowel system (or Mark's), or about "divorce recovery" which I'm sure you are ALL tired of hearing about...listen I'm tired of it too, (but I can't guarantee it wont come up again).....just some little "randoms" from the weekend.

So I went home to see my Dad this past weekend-- In case you don't know, he was diagnosed with Prostate cancer and had it removed last week. He was in some pain but doing great! Nothing but good news on that end. Also, the past weekend was my grandparents 57th wedding anniversary. Damn....I couldn't make it to my three year wedding anniversary but they can make it 57 years? I love my Pop, but he doesn't do a thing to help my grandma except take the credit for everything she does and provide comic relief to the family members who sit on the sidelines snickering. If she cooks dinner, he will try and take the credit for it which will lead to a response from my grandma along the lines of "Bue, I could count on one hand what you did today and still have 5 fingers left over". Although, they moan and groan....I mean 57 years? People hardly make it to seven years let alone 57.....The mentality of our grandparents generation of the importance of commitment and "sticking it out" is slowly fading. It's scary to wonder how many of 'us' will be able to show our grandchildren the example of marriage we have been given.

Something I've also observed this past weekend, is I believe a family member of mine (you will soon know who you are) has Jerry Sienfield syndrome. You know......they ALWAYS find something wrong with any person of the opposite sex forcing them into singled om. Either, they have "man hands" or their belly button talks or they are naked too much....always something. I have a very close girlfriend of mine that suffers from Jerry Sienfield syndrome as well (you know who you are as well!). Just remember....the show ended and Jerry STILL was not married.

I also eat WAY too much when I go home. What is it with Southern Families? They always feel the need to "fatten you up" before they send you on your way. I come in to Mont Belvieu in skinny jeans and leave in sweatpants and 3 lbs heavier....the chicken n dumplings and dressing made it worth it though...Yummm!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Where was I When our Relationship Reached this Level?

Mark and I have been dating for almost 8 months now. Our relationship has definitely progressed from when we were first together. For example, I actually let him sit on the same couch as me now. The first time I went to Mark's house, he asked if he could come sit on the same couch as me. My response? "Yes....IF you stay on YOUR SIDE of the couch". Needless to say, we often share the same side of the couch now. :)

I know there are natural progressions in relationships. Where the comfort level rises and you feel more "at home" with the other person. Slowly walls begin to come down-- You don't ALWAYS have to have make-up on and your hair fixed; you can order that medium-rare bacon cheeseburger rather than a Chicken Cesar Salad when you are at dinner; you're no longer embarrassed for them to know that you haven't worn a pair of matching socks since your mom did your laundry or allowing them actually try food that you cook, even though you know it has a 76% chance of tasting like cat food.

But WHEN did we reach this new "forbidden" level we have reached??! How did we reach this so quickly? Can we EVER go back? Is there any hope for the way we were? Where was I when our relationship reached........the "toot"? You know--air biscuits, the big stinky, one cheek sneak, pooting, cutting the cheese, ripping one, farting, flatulence, laying an egg. OH Mark, WHY oh WHY did you open this door!?!? We have now reached a new atmosphere in our relationship that is much stinker than the one we were in before.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Monday, March 9, 2009

If I was back in High School....

If I were back in High School I would be.....
.....just waking up from my 2 hour nap to the smell of my mother starting on dinner downstairs
.....beginning my preparation to watch re-runs of the Real World Las Vegas followed by Laguna Beach.
.....drinking my 3rd regular coke (no, no NOT diet) of the afternoon whilst munching on a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos while wondering if my size 2 jeans feel a little tight today.
....already making big plans for the weekend with my girlfriends and discussing who's wearing what...who's doing who...and who broke up with who.
.....amazed at how my room is magically clean. (Clueless to the fact of my mother who is making up my bed behind me. while I am on AOL IM on the computer).

But, I'm no longer in High School. I am sitting at my desk, counting down the minutes until 5. I am tired, stressed, in need of a drink, and to be honest.....I need to go #2. I forgot to put deodorant on today and I am making myself want to gag. I cleaned my car this weekend for the first time in MONTHS and now its going to rain tomorrow. I have bills I don't want to pay, an apartment I don't want to clean and an ex-husband who "doesn't want to see me" not even to do our taxes!! So as I sit here drinking my Diet Coke, because the calories in a regular coke would only increase the muffin top that is hanging over my size 4 pants, I think to myself.....I wish I were back in high school!
(On the bright side, my sweet boyfriend sent me my favorite flowers to work and that can make any bad day better!).

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Yesterday at Barnes and Noble, I walk up to a Customer Service Representative and ask him if he could tell me where the self-help section is located. His response, "If I told you, wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose of self-help?". Bada-bing. (That was suppose to be a case it wasn't funny to you).
For the past year I have had a love/hate relationship with the Self-help Section. One of the main reasons I love this section is within a minute of skimming over the titles of these books, it makes me feel a hell of a lot better about my own problems. I can think to myself, "Hey, well AT LEAST I'm not having to read the book 'How to Love your Drug Addict Husband who Turned Out to be your Cousin and a Knitting Satanist'." It puts your life and your problems into a different perspective. Kind of like, when you have a really crappy day at work and you find out your unmarried friend is pregnant....AT LEAST I'm not her! (Silent high-five to myself).
There is so much hype over 'self-help' books. I am constantly being asked, "honey child, what book(s) did you read to help you with your divorce?". Honestly....none. And I'm a little tired of this being classified as a fault in my divorce recovery.
Listen people, just because I don't deal with my divorce the way you did or your sister, aunt, brotha from another motha, dog or coworker did, does NOT mean that I am not taking my own steps to recovery and self-examination. And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to get my advice from 10 different experts who all say something completely different. I mean if they all had the same opinion, then there wouldn't be 30 books on the same topic AND if all their opinions are so different then are they REALLY experts??
I know haven't fully recovered and I know that I push back lots of emotions that need to be dealt with and addressed. But I just don't think reading the book, 'So your Divorced, Now What?' or '100 Things to do After you Divorce' is really what I need.
I need Jesus....first and foremost. And then I need you. I need friends; people in my life that actually care about me and my well being. If you are reading this blog then that hopefully is describing you, unless you are someone that reads my blog out of pure hatred for me while you are stabbing a Jennifer Voodoo doll with needles. I'm digressing; I need your prayer and compassion. I need people on my team, cheering for me on the sidelines. Saying "You can do it", not "You can do it if.....".
I am proud of where I am in my life right now. Will I have baggage that I will continue to carry for a while?? Absolutely, but baggage doesn't always have to be a bad thing. It's there for a make you remember how it got there and how to keep from adding to it.
I was wrong and judged my ex-husband on his decision to get re-married so fast. I thought that I was a better person than he was; that I was taking healing more seriously because "I was doing it right"- not him. How arrogant of me is that people??! I mean seriously, who am I to judge his private decisions, where he is in his healing and if he is truly ready to get remarried?? It's not my decision, it's not my choice and its' definitely not my opinion to be had. That is between him and God. We broke each others heart in very different ways. I think it has been harder on me in the long run...why? Maybe he has been able to forgive himself faster than I was able to. Maybe he has prayed harder and longer for healing than I have. I don't know the details but what I do know is that life is just hard. People have struggles that come in all shapes and sizes. They fall down and sometimes fall much harder than they ever thought they would. That happend to me. But we all have to get up eventually. And everyones way of doing this is different. Some people lie on the ground, crying until they have someone come pick them up and carry them. Some people jump right up, dust themselves off and learn how to not fall that way again. Life would be boring if we were all the same. If everyone was like me, this life would be one big extremely disorganized and chaotic party with mayo sandwiches and Britney Spears posters on every corner. That now would get old FAST!
So, all this to tell you I'm probably not going to read Self-help books. I'm going to take the advice from the bible, the people who love me and trust that the Lord has big plans for me and my life. I do plan to keep blogging and complaining to you guys....Lucky you!