Friday, April 30, 2010

Five Fact Friday

Happy Friday, Blogosphere! Whilst Buckethead has been out of town for most of the week partying, gambling and boozing it up in Sin City on business, I had to "gird by loins" in preparation of a few days in full time parenthood. Not, that I don't get my fair share of parenthood every week with my two step-kids, but it's harder when Buckethead is not around.

Before you judge me and pray for me, listen folks, I'm married to SuperDad. Seriously, I'm not trying to fluff his feathers in saying this publicly for ALL THE WORLD TO HEAR because I, in the few days he's been gone have...spilt my blush in his Range Rover, attempted to make "stress balls" with Julia and got flour all over the kitchen and let the dogs get on the couch. No, none of these reasons among others like the fact that somehow I managed to break the downstairs A/C, bought a new pair of shoes and ate a whole wheel of cheese in front of the T.V., in my underwear watching the Real Housewives of New York. (Geeze, I guess I need that Buckethead around after all).

Despite the sucking up, he really is the World's Greatest Dad. He cooks, cleans, quizzes for spelling test, practices baseball, volleyball, football, allows his family to have three dogs, tucks you in really tight at night (yes I make him tuck me in, too) AND he runs a very successful sales team and provides for his family. Way to go, buckethead!

But, being married to SuperDad, makes Mediocre but trying really hard Step-mom feel like she's running a marathon in Stilettos, wearing a thong that's two sizes too small when she is SOLO in the parenting world. As I was running my marathon in my too tight panties, I had a great support team cheering me on. I was getting lots of calls from Buckethead checking in on me. His ex-wife/kid's mom/my friend was sending me text messages of encouragement and friendly suggestions. They were all so proud of me that I didn't catch the kids and the house on fire. I didn't even catch a dog on fire. It was great! And sure, my Solo Parenting was only....a night. BUT little steps people, little steps!

So, this installment of Five Fact Friday is a little different. Rather than hearing five random facts about me, your going to get five random facts I've learned from the kids in the past 24 hours. I hope you enjoy reading them almost as much as I enjoyed learning them.

1.) Justin Bieber is so hot right now.

2.) It's probably not a good idea to fill a balloon really full with flour and water and hope that it doesn't burst. Because, guess what? It burst.

3.) If you tell a kid they can have a snack after school but don't watch what they're eating, you might just walk into your living room to find your child holding the entire 2 gallon bucket of BlueBell in his lap, a candy necklace in one hand, a bag of Frito's in the other and a box of Goldfish empty on the floor.

4.) If a kid eats about 5 lbs of food for a snack after school, he's probably not going to eat his dinner even if he insisted that you go to a Pizza buffet. Also, if you go to a Pizza Buffet you will need to throw your diet out the window and drive home with your pants unbuttoned.

5.) If you let two kids and a dog sleep in the bed with you, you'll end up on the couch by 2 a.m.

Have a great weekend everyone! I'm sure glad Buckethead comes home today and that my family will be here!


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

To Hooters or Not to Hooters...that is the question

The other week I had a debate with a few of my girlfriends about the ever so famous, ever so tempting....Hooters. The question of the day was, "How do you feel about your husband/significant other going to Hooters"?
There is no question that men are drawn to this restaurant or others that are similar (Bone Daddy's, Twin Peaks, Third Base etc.) like a magnet that's attached to the front of their pant trousers, despite their best attempt to convince their wives it's because, Hooters truly does have the best wings or honey, I just went to BoneDaddy's for the yummy BBQ or my co-worker Steve made me do it!
We're no fool; women know it has nothing to do with the flavor of wings, the big screen T.V., your co-worker Steve or the BBQ. Simple fact is it has everything to do with the 19 year old part-time college students that prance around and serve you beer in a cloth that is comparable in size to the one their wives use to wipe off the kitchen counter.
The debate brought out many different responses among the women. Although, I have rarely given it much thought as my own husband is, thankfully, not a Hooters frequenter and this post is NOT ABOUT HIM-just wanted to clarify that. Obviously, most of these women had! I had one friend who was adamant that it was morally and ethically wrong on all levels. She said she would not approve of her husband going to these types of restaurants due to the following: most married men already struggle with temptation and this is just throwing it in their faces. It's letting them believe "lusting" for another women is okay, so long as she's simply a waitress in little orange shorts and pantyhose. She believed, this is a small step in a slippery slope that has the potential to lead to adultery.
Another friend of mine, fell on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. Her opinion was you need to let men be men to a certain degree. If the worst thing your husband is doing is eating at a restaurant where the waitress dress skimpy, life ain't too bad. She believed the moment you start enforcing strict rules on your mate, its the moment he's going to fight for freedom. If you don't allow him to have his sense of freedom with a little, innocent male commrodery and friendly banter at a restaurant, then he might find his "taste of freedom" elsewhere like with a woman in the workplace or alone in his office with pornography.
I fell somewhere in between these two. I understood both sides of the women's opinion's and was uncertain of which side of the spectrum I fell in line closer with. Do I think it's good for a marriage for a husband to spend three hours being served by a hot, size 2, 18 year old girl with giants boobs only to come home to a wife that hasn't showered in two days, has baby throw up in her hair and breast that have experienced nursing babies, mammograms and years gravity?
Probably not.
Listen, I don't have a personal issue with Hooter's waitresses. They're just a bunch of young girls working hard to make enough money for a six pack of Very Berry wine coolers, some new hair extensions and an outfit from Charlotte Russe to pay for college and text books. My biggest problem is when men perceive places like this as reality. When this happens, then discontent happens in the home. You're wife isn't going to dress up like a slutty lumber jack and serve you a juicy hamburger, laugh at all your jokes, show you a little cleavage when she sets down your beer and wink at you when you tip her 20%. (Although, that doesn't sound like a bad idea if you needing to add a little spice to the relationship)
But I also understood my other friend who said there is nothing wrong with a little male bonding over football, chicken wings and nice views. So long as those big "views" are somewhat covered and not joining him at an hourly motel.
So, what do you think? To Hooters or Not to Hooters?

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Today you are nine. Only knowing you a few years, what I know of most your childhood has been observed through pictures. You were such a cute baby, a beautiful little boy and now, a handsome young man.

The day I first met you, I was really nervous. Not only because I loved your daddy, but I knew how much he loved you. I didn't know if you would accept me into your life but really hoped you would. I drove up to the house to find you waiting for me outside in the front yard decked out in a Star Trek trooper costume. You were having an imaginary fight with the tree. You lifted up your helmet to examine the person who just drove up and into your life. You were quiet at first but very observant. But by the end of the night, you were talking my ear off about your favorite sports, video games and pet snakes.

Now, you are one of my best friends. I remember the first time you opened up to me and told me how you felt when your mommy and daddy got a divorce. You told me it made you sad. Then you told me that me being with your daddy made you happy. You opened up to me and shared your heart. We have had many precious moments like that since then that have meant the world to me.

I love when you snuggle in really close and tell me you love me. I love that you have a million different names you would like to be called- Tree Frog, Triple X and Bucky. I love the way you smell after you've been playing really hard; like a stinky sweaty and blissfully happy little boy. I love that you have a love for reading and learning. You are constantly asking questions and wanting to know more.

I love how much you look like your daddy and how you are sometimes too hard on yourself just like he is. You are a great athlete, but what I really love about watching you play sports is how kind you are to your teammates and opponents. You have Jesus in your heart and he will never leave you, my darling. You are one of a kind. A precious gift from God that I am SO blessed to get to experience. Thank you for the gift of you, my sweet and wonderful step-son.

Happy Birthday, Mitch!

{Photos: Ree Photography}

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

More Engagement Pics

Yes, I know we are already married but I just got some more of my engagement pictures and they are way too fabulous NOT to share with you! I hope you enjoy looking at them almost as much as I did! xoxo-Jen

{Photos are by Mindy Fuller of Ree Photography}

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Miley Cyrus and I'm STILL not Cool?

Confession: I've prided myself and even bragged about being the "cool stepmom". I'm young, wear fun and trendy clothes that my stepdaughter wants to borrow, love the movie Twilight and use words and phrases like "OMG, that is like, so freakin fly. Don't be trippin, boo. Word to your mother".

So, I'm still trying to grasp how the events that transpired on Saturday could have EVER happened. Aren't you dying to know what made me realize that I'm not really all that cool in my stepkids eyes? Don't you want to know how I know that a stepmom is just as embarrassing and not cool as any other parental unit? Well, lucky you....I'm about to spill it.

Julia, my step-daughter, invited a friend over to the house on Saturday after her Volleyball game for a sleep over. She made sure that I told her dad to not try and play with her and her friend. They wanted to be by themselves and I nodded with complete understanding. Being the "cool" stepmom, I winked at her and told her, "I got this!". In my mind, I totally understood. I mean what pre-teen would want to have her and her friends play board games with their dad? Lovingly, I told Buckethead he just wasn't all that cool anymore and he wasn't invited to play.

"When in the world did this happen", Buckethead asked sadly as he slowly realized he was entering into the teenage years with his daughter.

Thinking that I was still in on the cool list with Julia and her friends, I asked them if they wanted to go see the new Miley Cyrus movie. I mean, how cool am I? I not only know who Miley Cyrus is but I WANT to see the movie, too. I imagined us sitting in the theater, sharing popcorn and gossiping about Miley and her new boyfriend who she stars in the movie with. The girls would then tell me what boy in school they liked and we would talk about how cute he was. It was going to be perfect.

When the girls said yes, I didn't expect anything less because, like I've mentioned a million times before, I AM THE COOL STEPMOM.

We get to the theater and the hints start dropping that the girls want to go to the movies by themselves. Honestly, I can kind of understand that. I remember being that age and wanting to feel more mature. Going to a movie alone, definitely makes you feel more like an adult rather than a kid. I don't let it hurt my stepmom ego, yet but I tell them, sorry not quite and bribe them with popcorn.

But, what happened next hit me like a ton of bricks with a giant "Loser" label on them. I was politely and oh, so sweetly asked by the girls to sit.....ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE THEATER BY MYSELF.

Shocked, I obeyed their command and sat alone in a dang Miley freaking Cyrus movie with NO popcorn (because they kept it). And to top it off, the movie ended up being really sad and I bawled and squalled, alone....yes, all alone in the movie theater whilst the other theater occupants looked on sympathetically at the poor and lonely girl who came to the movie theater by herself.

I'm not sure which one is worse, crying all alone in a movie or being asked by your stepkid to sit on the other side of the theater away from her and her friend and realizing you're really not all that cool after all.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Happy Birthday, Bubba!

Today is my big brother's birthday.

Here are just a few of the many reasons why my brother is the best:

  • When he was a kid he use to constantly wear a super hero cape. Even to church. My mom would have to tuck it in under his clothes.
  • He's in Mensa. So, basically he's smarter than all of you and 98% of the population. Top that Suckers!
  • He's a Black Jack playing, Baptist Preacher- I mean seriously? It doesn't get much cooler than that!
  • He's been a practical thinker since he was a kid--when he was 16 he chose what kind of car he wanted based on the backseat. No, not because he needed ample room to make-out with his girlfriend, but because it needed to be big enough to fit his bassoon and backpack.
  • His idol growing up was David Copperfield because he wanted to be a magician when he grew up.
  • He was voted "Best All Around" in high school
  • He became a New Yorker for 4 years during College where he (gulp) tripled....Yes, TRIPLE Majored and still managed to graduate Magnum Cum Laud.
  • He looks like my Daddy
  • He loves him some good food! Especially seafood!
  • He goes on like 4 cruises a year.
  • Although, he may deny this....I think his favorite T.V. show of all time is still and always will be.....Dawson's Creek. He loved him some Joey Potter a.k.a. Katie Holmes. Too bad she went all Scientology on him and married Tom Cruise.
  • He has a sister that thinks he's the cat's meow and adores him.
  • He's single, ladies! Jump on it!

I love you, bubba bear. Thanks for being just a loving, compassionate and caring brother to me for all these years. I am so proud of the man you've become. You inspire me daily. Always know you have a sister who thinks you're still magic!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Confessions of a StepMom Part Deux

I am happy it's Friday. I have an extremely loud neon yellow shirt on, my hair smells AH-MAZ-ING (thanks to my new Biosilk Shampoo) and I feel like a bundle of medicated SUNSHINE! Aren't you glad I'm not having visions of forking someone like I did last Friday??
*if you didn't read the blog last Friday, "forking" sounds really dirty and kinky. but it's simply just stabbing someone with a biggie.

I'm skipping Five Fact Friday today because I have too many other things to tell you about and I'm realizing that I'm not really all that interesting and am running out of facts

First in foremost, I am vicariously reliving 5th grade through my step-daughter. What a hard age people, don't you remember? You still want to play with your Barbies yet you are starting to look at your Ken doll in a whole new light. Your voice suddenly transforms into one filled with sass, style, attitude and a lot of the word "like". You don't know what to wear to school or what style is going to define you (mine was Doc Martin shoes, Guess Jeans and boys polo shirts). You make new friends, you loose old ones. Your best friend will "go out" with the boy you liked first (though you don't go anywhere together except maybe, just maybe the lunch line) and life is just unfair! So, is this the age when a parents rebuttal is always, "because I said so!" ?

My step kids rock. Even as a coming into her own teenie bopper and a smelly food hoarding little boy, they are probably the best kids on this planet. They're funny, cute, loving and they remind me of their daddy. When they are with us, there is never a dull moment.

Last night at dinner, Mitch made this observation to me:

"Dad will probably die way before you do unless you get hit by a car or assassinated". can't ever say he isn't observant.

Another Step-mommy confession that is quite hard to confess: I am not always right. Let me clarify, I'm USUALLY right, but not always right. That being said, I got grumpy. YES GRUMPY. I couldn't help just happened. blame it on my monthly visit....blame it on bad pillows....blame it on the fact that we had been out of diet coke in our home for three days. THREE DAYS, people! What ever the cause for my grumpiness, I got grumpy for no real reason other than my own selfish grumpiness. Sigh. I wrote, "I will not get grumpy" 100x's on the chalk board.

No, that's not all I did wrong this week. Yes, it continues....I also taught my step-kids the word dingle berry and forced the kids to eat some beans last night that I truly regretted after the "reaction" it gave my sweet and then SMELLY kiddos.

Step-mommy goals of the week: Find news foods that are healthy that the kids will love; show my hubby how much I love him and love his kids; find a healthy balance of being in a parental role and being in a friend role; try better, be better and learn to laugh off the mistakes.

Have a great weekend, friends!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Is Facebook the Root of All Evil?

Is it just me or is there a constant cloud of drama hanging over Facebook? Do most of the arguments you get into start with, "I saw on Facebook that you've been....."?

I'm truly beginning to wonder if facebook is the Devil's mistress here on Earth. If Facebook was created in the pits of hell rather than a college dorm room. I've heard of people loosing friends, boyfriends, jobs and HUSBANDS due to the inner workings of this "social site" a.k.a. "festering pool of temptation".

Facebook is fun in a lot of ways....It's one less reason to call your friends on the actual telephone; you can join fun groups like, "I love Mac and Cheese"; you can brag to all your facebook friends by posting pictures of your latest dream vacation or your good looking kids; you can show that person in high school that would always turn you down how damn good you look now. It's fantastic.

But, oh how Facebook can be Satan in disguise. Things get twisted and turned around; people begin hating you for your political opinions; you begin to feel left out if you weren't included in a fun outing that you see the posted pictures of; people of the opposite sex seek you out; you unwillingly have to know the every move of that one fb friend who updates their status every few minutes even when it's "I'm now brushing my teeth".

I mean seriously? I don't want to know if your brushing your teeth, scratching your butt, taking out the trash or taking a poop! I don't care!

Too, often times have you asked your spouse, "Why did you say you 'like' Sally's post?" Is it because you like her??!

Or, why don't you update your relationship to include me? Are you ashamed of our relationship?

Today, I accidentally hurt a dear friend's feelings on facebook. I was so sad that this happened, but what I was most sad about was I had no idea what I did. Immediately, I hopped onto my facebook (which is conveniently located on my phone because, God forbid we go a second without getting our Facebook News Feed updates) to try and figure out what I had done wrong. Nothing, nada. I couldn't find it. After a few phone calls and further searching, BINGO. I found it. I totally see how it could have hurt my sweet friend's feelings. Not because what I said was mean or ill-willed but because it's typed and when something is typed you have no idea what a person's demeanor, feelings or meaning is behind it. It was not meant to hurt anyone just simply to make a joke about myself. But, what did it do? Instead, it hurt someone I love.

Sometimes I miss the good ole' days of MYSPACE, where bands constantly asked you to hear their music and you would search all Saturday morning for the perfect Profile background and Song List.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Weekend Wrap-Up (a day late)

Sometimes....just sometimes...I feel like there needs to be a little less talk and a lot more action...I mean PICTURES.  Especially when I ask one of my best friends, hey did you read my blog the other day?  And her response is,, I didn't.  But it's because all you do is write and I like to look at pictures.

Immediately after I thought, you dumb blonde.  the only thing you've ever read all the way through is the menu to Chili' dawned on me; maybe I do have a few storybook readers that could quite possibly find my ramblings a bit long and....a-hem, cough boring.

So this is a photo-documentation of my weekend.  The random ramblings will be few and far in least that's my goal.

Our first stop in the photo-weekend train is Date Night.  Don't even think about it ladies....he's mine.

 Call me Martha Stewart, this woman can GARDEN!  (with the help of buckethead, of course)

We had sports games and when we finished......

And we'll end the weekend with Harley because he's cool and can lick his own butt. 

Because he loves me....

....although I don't deserve it. (well, I kinda deserve it)


You're my favorite too, Buckethead! xoxo

Friday, April 9, 2010

Five Fact Friday

You want fact numero uno right off the bat? I'm in a funky FOUL, having visions of stabbing people in the forehead with a fork followed by a deep and evil laugh, type of mood.

And yes, I have my reasons. No, you don't get to hear about them.
*it's not bucketheads fault....just wanted to clear that one up.

I'll probably get an anonymous comment of a Bible verse telling me that me that I shouldn't be so negative, I have it good and Gold truly DOES bless the meek, the humble, all right- winged Republicans and the Jonas Brothers. I get it, I get it....but everyone is entitled to a bad day followed by a little bitching every once in a while. And TODAY is my day. I've cried and flailed on the ground more in the past 18 hours than a charismatic T.V. evangelist.

I've made a commitment to myself to only continue my grumpiness for another 2 hours. After that, I have to snap out of it or take a prozac.

Moving, where were we? Picture the theme song to Batman in the back ground as I introduce FIVE..... FACT..... FRIDAY..... (and the crowd goes wild)

1.) If you don't us all a favor and stop reading the blog.

2.) I'm breaking my own personal record for keeping a plant alive. Thus far, my plant at work has survived 2 months and 23 days. I have found it thrives on Gatorade and diet coke. Listen, I'm no Martha Stewart but I think I may be on to something.

3.) Favorite Food: Mexican. My Favorite Mexican Food Restaurant: Pappasitos My Favorite Meal at my Favorite Mexican Food Restaurant: Beef Fajitas.

4.) I have this repeat crazy dream that my brother and I are captured by al qaeda and forced to tell them all of our of our darkest secrets. I also have a repeat dream about a Werewolf on a motorcycle.

5.) One of the people I admire most in this world is my Gradmother. If she was on American Idol or Dancing with the Stars, I would totally call the hot line like 8 times to vote for her. If she would have been on The Bachelor, I bet Jake would have picked her and not Vienna. Not only it she drop dead gorgeous, a fabulous cook and has great fashion sense but she loves me and thinks I'm funny.

Happy Friday everyone! I'll will be sitting her festering in my bitterness for a few hours and then will flip a switch and enjoy this beautiful day. Buckethead is taking me to the theater tonight.

I am a lucky girl :)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I'll miss you Jack Bauer

Is it just me or does Jack Bauer even make Chuck Norris look like a pussycat?

It's the last season of 24 and I'm starting to feel the pains of loosing this American Hero.

Jack inspired me to secretly practice my karate moves when I am alone in my garage and helped me perfect my scissor kick. With out Jack, I would have never learned my mad skillz. He has shown me how to protect myself when I am unarmed using only my surroundings. For example, If I ever got attached in my bathroom, I would simply fill a pillow case with bars of ivory soap and beat the crap out of someone. Thank you, Jack Bauer for all the insight.

Jack always spoke in a voice that was raspy and complex like Charlie Sheen yet calm and convincing like Jesus. (Well, I've never heard Jesus speak but I bet it was that good)

Although, you did not rescue President Hassan in enough time this week, I still love you Jack. Our country needs you Jack. I need you.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Vitamin Dreams, Bloopers and High School Musical

I am so happy it's tuesday. monday did not meet nor exceed the expectations i had for it. monday had so much potential. monday could have been sunny and cheery instead of busy and full of errors. i told monday yesterday as i was putting it to bed, how disappointed i was in it's behavior. monday got a pow-pow (this is a spanking in our household) and put in time out but still did not turn it's bad behavior around. monday looked at me confused and asked what exactly he had done wrong. i thought monday would never ask.

first and foremost, you see something wrong with this picture?

Yes, I had 50 invitations printed yesterday. Lets play Where's Waldo and see if you can't find the error.....Yes, it says 2000 and freakin 9 on it. thanks a lot monday.

monday looked a me and said, "Well, that's YOUR fault, not mine. That's what you get for trying to multi-task". so i said, yeah well....your a cootie queen! (It was the best that I could do in the moment).

And then, I rebutted....well, what about making the shuffle on my ipod loudly play the theme to High School musical just as our new executive walked into my office to ask me something?

*This was an incredibly awkward moment to be asked if I completed an important report just as teenie bopper voices echo loudly through my office about winning the high school basketball game and getting a first kiss outside the locker room. I swear I'm good at my job!

monday chuckled in an evil tone and said, "at least it wasn't Justin Beber, Hannah Montana or the sound track to Beauty in the Beast which is ALSO on your ipod playlist....don't deny it".

monday better be glad it gets a second chance next week. i'll let you know how it goes.

on another note, I've started taking some vita-vita vegamin. It's for my "hair", but a girl can dream right?