Friday, February 25, 2011

Little Victories

For those of you who have not noticed my temporary absence from the blog-world....good for you! By now, you've finally realized the life in which I felt I should share its innermost details is really not all that different from anyone elses mundane existence. Now, I'm not saying I'm complacent with my life; quite the contrary. However, my daily dealings just aren't any more exciting than yours.

I'm sure I hooked a few of you in initially three years ago with my tales of woe during my divorce. I mean who doesn't love a tragedy to remind them that someone elses life sucks more than theirs does? I mean, that's why we're obsessed with Kate Gosslin as a nation, right? SIGN ME UP FOR DWTS! I'm a train-wreck waiting to happen!

But once the thrill was gone, the curiosity of a second marriage to a hunk 15 years my senior kept you absorbed in my life like a Bounty paper towel. Sugar Daddy? Yes please! I'll take one of those quicker picker uppers!

And now I've gotten you use to the scandals of my so-called life...always pressured to one up my self with something even more inappropriate than the last story.

Now what?

Do you want a story on me buying hemorrhoid cream? Maybe a tale of the time I burned the roast? Or how much Charlie Sheen paid me to sleep with him and how long he locked me in his closet? Gotcha....just making sure you're paying attention.

The life of a suburban wife is a very complex existence. I work; I clean; I cook--although I don't do any of the three particularly well and I'm beginning to feel like everyone else does it better. I ignore weird smells that reek of my step-kids, my dogs and yes, even my husband. I try to organize and look busy when I'm really thinking...what the hell should I do next?

And to top it all off....don't forget, I'm still young. Just 5 years ago I finished up my Senior year of College, where I lived off of bagel bites, wine coolers and one load of laundry a month. Now the majority of my friends are slightly older than me (I'm not going to tell your real age, Kath) and often refer to television shows I've never heard of....just once I wish someone would strike up a conversation about "Saved by the Bell". Then we could debate on who was hotter: AC Slater or Zack Morris and why Jesse got addicted to that SPEED in the first place.

I digress. All that to say, sometimes I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. Now, I live in a mammoth of a house and I go, "What, you mean to tell me your suppose to wash the dishes BEFORE you put them in the dishwasher?" A perplexing question, without a reasonable answer. It's a DISH "WASHER"

Mind you, I think I'm catching on to this whole wife, mother, Queen-of-my-Domain thing. It hasn't happened all at once; slowly but surely. That being said, I have my days where I feel like a total failure and I just don't think I will ever get it right.

But I've decided to bask in the little victories.

Victory in doing an entire basket full of laundry and not losing a single sock. Victory in my step-son eating an entire meal and not gaging once. Victory in my husband telling me he likes the flower arrangement I bought (he changed his mind after he saw the price tag). Victory in my mom coming to visit and her not spending her entire visit picking up after me. Victory in my step-kid's mom telling me "thank you for loving her kids". Victory in knowing how far I've come in the past year. Victory in knowing....even like this, I'm still way better than Paris Hilton.

SO CHEERS TO LITTLE VICTORIES! May we all bask in the glory of them from time to time.

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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Cooped Up in the House and School Projects

Dallas shut down today because it was "too cold". You see, us Texans can't seem to function in temperatures below freezing. Our bodies begin to slowly shut down. Our phalanges begin to tingle and go numb; our nose's turn red and then the next thing you know- kidney failure. Our roads become ice coated labyrinths, our cowboy boots don't scoot like they should, we get athlete's foot and it becomes more hostile than a Whitney Houston concert. It's pretty much a total disaster-- the Great Snowcalypse of 2011.

After we (me, BH and the kids) braided each others hair a thousand times, squeezed all the toothpaste out of the tubes just out of sheer boredom and toilet papered our neighbor's trees we decided to be somewhat productive and work on Julia's school project--a commercial for a cereal made in Austria. Somehow, I forgot how freaking awesome I was at school projects and I ended up taking over the production. (I have to give credit, where credit it due and say BH came up with the idea).

Thought I would share the end results with you guys. I think it's Oscar material, or at least MTV movie award worthy.

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