Thursday, December 13, 2012

Guess who's back?

Guess who's back?  Back again.  Jpo is back.  Tell a friend. Two trailer park girls go round me outside. Okay, that last sentence may be true for Slim Shady but not for me.  But, I am back....for today at least.  This post in NO WAY guarantees my permanent "backness" to the blogging world.  This momentary return to posting my unfiltered inner monologue on the Internet for total strangers may only be a one time thing.  OR it may be the start of a new and exciting adventure for Crying Over Spilled Milk.

Why did I stop blogging in the first place, you may ask?  Or you may be asking, why in the heck (I'm a mommy language has improved bitches) would you think we even knew you were gone?  Regardless, I do have a few valid reasons to my sudden departure of blogging.

1.) I now have a black line running through my blog post.  If you know how to fix it, let me know.  Otherwise, I am too lazy to figure out how to fix it and too cheap to buy a new layout.  If you have missed me dearly and create layouts, I suggest you fix mine for FREE.  I'm a baller on a budget.  Tory Burch shoes don't grow on trees, ya know?

2.) I got pregnant, fat and lazy.

3.) I had a baby and became hormonally imbalanced and certifiably crazy. Unless you wanted to hear about the troll who lived in my fireplace, it probably wasn't a good idea to document what was going on behind my blood shot and sleep deprived eyes.

4.) I like to sleep in my free time.

5.) I quit working and no longer spend my spare time behind a desk making $29.50 an hour.  Yes, my old employer would pay me to blog.  Take that sucker!

6.) I lost all social skills (including savvy yet witty writing) due to spending all day alone with a baby.

7.) I usually have baby poo under my fingernails.  It's just not hygienic to type with crap on your hands.

So once again, I'm not use to this whole blogging thing.  I'm out of practice, ya know?  So I'll just stop my top 10 list at 7.  That's good enough, right???

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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Thursday, April 12, 2012

In the Afterglow of Having a Baby

10 months ago, I could have never imagined that I would willingly whip out my boob out in public or that my main source of daily adult contact would be Kathy Lee Gifford & Hoda Kotb from the Today show and Ellen at 3 pm. 10 months ago, if you told me I would be walking around 15 pounds over my ideal weight with an ice pack on my hoo-ha while feeling blissfully happy, I would have said you were crazy. But the craziest of them all is falling head over heels, completely in love with a little person all within a single moment.

On March 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm, I fell in love with Reese Evelyn Gardner. After two and a half days of labor, I pushed for 45 minutes and out came our precious miracle. She, of course, was the most beautiful baby Mark and I had ever seen. I spent two nights with the best nursing staff in the world, best hospital food I had ever taken and just when I was getting quite comfortable, they kicked me out and I quickly and fearfully realized I not only would have to go back to wiping my own ass, but I was now responsible for the survival of this tiny 6 lb baby. Mark and I just stood staring at each other when we were released thinking--were they REALLY going to let us just walk out of here with this baby?? The answer, was yes. And home we went. Mark drove 15 miles under the speed limit the entire way home.

Thankfully we had my mother.....and the Internet. Without my mother, I'm not sure how I would have survived those first days at home. She was there with me the night my milk came in. My already rather large breast, swelled up to a size that would make Pamela Anderson jealous thus making it extremely hard for Reese to "attach". My mom would patiently move my boob or Reese in to alternating positions in an attempt for one of them to work as Reese and I both screamed and cried and shot milk everywhere. After two weeks she left and I stood in the driveway waving goodbye thinking, "okay, now I'm really screwed". My home was no longer going to be spotless, the laundry was going to pile up and meals were no longer going to be ready and waiting, hot and delicious.

Somehow, through God's grace and my husband's encouragement, I've gotten into a groove for the most part. Reese is a month old today and I'm still having my crazy first time mom moments from time to time. The Internet has proven itself a foe of mine as it freaks me out about SIDS, and the flu and baby poop color. My poor child has had a rectal thermometer used on her more than any one human being should have to endure. Never the less, Reese and mommy are surviving and thriving.

My little one is spectacular!

Mark and I just sit around and look at her. She'll make a face and I'll say..."she looks just like you". Then she'll make another face and he'll say, "No, she looks like YOU!". And I say "Thank God!".

This morning I got teary when I realized how quick this first month has gone. Her newborn onsie is starting to get a little snug and I just want her to be little forever. It's going to go by too fast I know it, but I'm going to cherish each and every moment. Even the ones where I have a giant milk stain on my shirt and baby spit up in my hair. Life has never been so good.

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Monday, January 30, 2012

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2011 Wrap Up

As I sit here on the couch contemplating 2011, I have an overwhelming sense of peace, tranquility and the strong urge to fart. Ummm wait, I meant the strong urge to reflect on all the blessings I have been given this year. (Although I do kind of need to fart, too)

MY Top Ten Moments of 2011:

1.) Finding out I was expecting after taking a pregnancy test in the bathroom of Target on my lunch break.

2.) Celebrating my one year Wedding anniversary to Buckethead in the Wine Country and eating enough cheese and drinking enough wine to get me through my upcoming 9 month pregnancy dry spell.

3.) Realizing my dreams were coming true when I found out we were having a little girl, surrounded by our family and friends.

4.) Spending Spring Break in Disney World.

5.) Having an excuse to gain 25 pounds.....and counting.

6.) My husband having to ice his balls and his knee due to two surgeries in one month-- (one of those surgeries resulting in Baby Reese).

7.) Trying to help out the economy by purchasing a new house and a new car.

8.) Starting my SAHM role early by pulling a crazy pregnant lady moment by storming out and quiting my job. (And having the kind of husband that's totally cool with that).

9.) Robert Griffin III winning the Heisman (okay, maybe that's not my top ten but I'll throw it in there for the husband)

10.) Realizing that life has turned out exactly how it should be. Thank you Jesus!

HERE'S to 2012!! Happy New Year!!

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